A North West View

Well it has been awhile since my last post and I have been doing well, still feeling a little adrift spiritually but starting to pull the pieces together to help deal with that.  I have over all been doing ok, although I am still pumped that my Seahawks won the Super Bowl by a blow out!! Yeah the game may have been a little boring for the non Hawks fan but for me it was a great game to watch! Now that that is all out of the way I would like to take about something that has been weighing on my mind for quite some time now and that is if after almost 3 years I should jump back into the dating pool.

I find my self feeling lonely lately, especially over the last week with mom out of town and me having the house all to my self all evening when I get off work, I find that it has made me feel exceptionally lonely.  I have found my self wishing for someone to share my life with.  I find my self wishing that I was better at figuring my way around online dating. I just seem to have no luck with it, and it is really the only way for me to scare up date. I don't know what to do with my profile to make it better and make me more appealing to the limited local dating pool.  Sure I could increase the pool if I where to move to say Seattle, or expand my range to Vancouver BC, however I'm not a big city boy. If i where to I would want someone that will live in the city I do. and I love the city I live in, I like my job, and want to be near my family. Bellingham is where my life is. I don't know maybe I just want too much, and will just be single for the re...

I know it has been quite some time since I have posted, and on that note I am going to set for myself the goal of blogging something every day for the rest of the month.  Fingers crossed I will accomplish this goal and get back in the habit of sharing with you my life and my views on the world that surrounds me.  I have dropped out of the picture for a while in part because I allowed my self to get so overwhelmed with it that in order to reset and deal with it I had to totally drop away from everything that I could.  In that time the second attempt at buying a place fell threw on some big nasty surprises turned up during the inspection, which is some what of a long story that I no longer want to get into as it is firmly the past and there is nothing I can do to change that.  How ever much more firmly routed in the future is another disastrous adventure for me in the world of dating, I really am beginning to think that my dating life is some sort of plot for a datin...

This is a question that I often ask my self, even more so these days as the prospect of home ownership comes ever more clearly into sight.  I find my self wondering if indeed there is room for some one like me to find a loving and committed relationship (or even a relationship at all) with in the gay community, especially as I move ever forward with my plans to buy a house in the area where I have lived for the vast majority of my life and that I want to continue living and to build a life in.  I as my self this question not only because of the area that I chose to live but also because of the way I look, I freely admit that I am no module and that I carry some extra pounds on me.  I am often left with the clear impression that by the "gay" standard I might as well be a whores for that is how I find my self to be viewed.  Then add to that that I don't live in nor desire to live in ether the "gay mecca" of Seattle or Vancouver B.C.  and that instead I am tr...

So for those of you that don't know and that would be all of you, I was trying to set up a coffee date with a charming guy that I had met online (names and descriptions left out to protect the innocent) well amongst simple conversation of what he was up to he mentioned he was at Walmart shopping.  Now is time for every one to look at me like a two headed alien, to which I simply said I have not set foot in one in years they have very anti union practices, and I'm a proud and supportive union member. (UFCW) apparently something that in his book was a totally wrong and very bad thing to be, as he proceeded to say that was not good because unions are bad, and he did not give a damn about them.  No giant insurmountable deal, not ideal but not a show stop I thought, as I basically said as long as you don't bash mine we are fine.  Again apparently not good as he did not like unions at all, he did not like hearing about them, nor when people liked t...

Well Sunday he text-ed me to see if I was willing to talk on the past Monday, well of course I said yes in the hopes that I could get some answers try to fix things between us.

Well a couple of my friends (from an auto form I'm part of) suggested that amongst talking to my boyfriend and letting him know that it will take time before I can introduce Dad to him and that doing so my likely bring with it negative reactions from Dad.  The other step of their advice is to try to feel the waters by letting him know that they is some one special in my life that would like to meet him sooner then latter.  Advice that I think is good advice, although it is advice that at least so far has not worked well.  I was thinking about that advice yesterday when I was upstairs watching TV/ talking with Mom and Dad,

So Adam (my boyfriend) has been talking about meeting my family, especially my dad and brother after he briefly got to meet my mom (who really wants to get to spend more time with him and to get to know him better) and spending some time with my best friend.  I can totally understand his wanting to meet my dad, as for one thing I live with my family, and for the fact that most people want to meet the parents of their partner as it is one of the things that signifies the seriousness of a relationship.  I would love to introduce him to my Dad as much as he would like to meet him, but I don't feel that it is that easy and I'm not sure how or if that will be possible and unfortunately not only dose that make me unhappy but it also adds a level of complication to the relationship that I don't feel should have to be there.  I really wish that I felt introducing Dad to Adam would be as easy as it should be, and as I feel Adam would like it to be, however I think that it is som...

So it has been a while since I last posted, and now that I have managed to find some time to carve out to update you all in what is becoming a very nicely busy social schedule I thought that I would do so.  So things have been going very nicely for me, especially given the events that brought about my last post.  One of the best things that has happened is that I started to see some one in the time in between post and that we are official Boyfriends!! Something that makes my very happy, and that I just can't resist thinking about. 

I have decided that a video is worth a thousand words in this case.  In this video I talk about my experiences and thoughts on dating in the gay community, as well as my issues with it.  So without anything further after the jump is the video.

Well as the title clearly indicates I'm frustrated, I am frustrated with the direction that my life is going, and now the hope full lights that made it that much less of a chore to not let my self slip back into another dark place have slowly but very purposefully been extinguished.  In stead their being extinguished just seems to highlight the fact that i would say i should pack my bags because I'm on my way to hell but for the most part I'm already there and this just shows that I'm trapped and the sub basement is the next destination so don't bother packing!

So I would like to talk about the topic of online dating, as it is something that is not unheard in this day in age for anyone in the under like 50 age group, but its something that seems to be an especially common practice among the gay community, in part, it is a tool that really can help find potential partners and dates that in real life are so much harder to find, especially in areas where there are not large gay populations. (or where there is/are not much in the way of gay gatherings and such)   This how ever seems to be a good and a bad thing,

So I know it has been a while since my last blog, my work shift has been wearing me down lately (to the point I literally get some of what I need to get done after work done and then pass out exhausted) I hoping that I will be able to again eek more time or have the energy to eek that time in to post again on a frequent basis as I do miss it. (seeing as sort of work its one of my very few forms of sharing my ideas and views and just talking and expressing my self openly with others any more) But I digress. So today's I would like to try to talk threw my continued extreme discomfort with dating and actually falling in love with and having romantic (and sexual feelings) for men, in a manor that is very often very conflicting as I know that there is nothing wrong with it, and when I am in a relationship (and that truly is a rarity) I can feel that my romantic feelings are right yet I still very much of the time feel that they are wrong. That they are something that I should be ash...

Ok so as you all know I have issues going on that are not as under control (no where near as under control) as I would like them to be, now this would make dating complicated enough for any one, as it is admittedly hard to date when you have basically almost no real handle on your own personal life let alone personal emotional state. Which is a pretty important aspect of being able to be able to get your self in a place where you can even start to be ready for a relationship, let alone be able to maintain one, when and if one actually develops.  How ever I thing and do strongly feel that throwing being gay in on top of that adds another layer of complication in that makes it even harder,  I think in addition to the big enfaces on appearance, there is almost what seems like a disproportionate discrimination against dealing with "damaged goods".  It dose not seem to matter how much they like the person or how great they seem to think they are, once they since that they...

So as some of you may or may not be (if you work retail their is no way you are not aware) tomorrow is Valentines day, Named after the catholic Saint Valentine and filled with  romantic iconography like cupid with his arrows of love, which on shot with one will fall in love with the first person they lay their eyes upon .  It's a wonderful excuse to take pause and remind those dearest to you how much they mean to you and truly special a part of your life they are, which is all fine and dandy for those who are in relationships.  Now not being in a relationship, and never particularly having had the luck of having been in one during said holiday it has never been a particularly special day for me.  I personally get tired quickly of the constant advertising as it just drives home the point that I'm single at a time or year when being in a relationship is the most celebrated thing one can possibly be engaged in.  It ...

So to night was one of those nights at work where I had lots of time for my mind to wonder and think while I did my work. (simply working freight alone will do that) I spent a good amount of time thinking about my dating life, or to be precise lack of one, I mean I have not been on a date in over a year (since my last relationship ended) and don't really have a prospect ether.  I know I should not get particularly hung up on things like this, and in general I don't.  Part of it I know is me, is the fact that I am not particularly into the "gay scene"/bar so I don't really go out and do that sort of thing. It also dose not help that I'm not one that is that up on fashion, or always in the hottest current trend, I like to look nice but I just can't really keep up with what ever the trend is nor is it really that much of a high concern for me.  Unfortunately this seems to make it hard to meet guys my age, especially ones that are ...