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Showing posts from March 27, 2012

Why Me? What Did I Do?

So the white washing has once again come undone, if only one of these days it would stick to the rotten wood that lies beneath it!  I am once again, well that would imply that it ever actually went away, stuck asking my self why me and what I ever did to deserve to be gay, to be punished in such a way?  What did I do that was so bad so wrong that God punished me by making me gay, that I was not strong enough, smart enough, good enough to overcome it?  That instead I buckled under the presser,  damning my self and everything else in the process.   Why was I not strong enough?  WHY?

I failed so badly, I just don't know what I did wrong, I don't know what I could have done, and I don't know how to change it, how to make my self normal!! How to change myself so that I can have a normal life, so that I can have everything that I dreamed of having, so that I can be the person I dreamed of being, and the person that I was supposed to be!  What did I do to deserve to be gay to n…