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Showing posts from May, 2010

Life Cycle

It has been a while since I have posted. a big part of that is simply I am finding it hard to be inspired at the moment. The other part would be that my emotional instability has realy ratcheted up lately.

It has gotten back up to being so intense on the down side that when I crash and am down I just want to be dead. I also have to get after my self because it's so intense I feel mad at my self for not being able to overdose on something and just end these the cycles.

I am trying everything I know how to do to deal with this, and I hope to be able to hang in there. I am disappointed I had to reup on one of the meds we where trying to get off of, but I don't know if that it or not, I doubt it will.

It may sound bad but even though I know there can be good times in my life, I wish I where dead because these lows are to hard and nothing is ever going to stop them from comeing like they do, and I'm tired of fighting them.

Frustrated With My Life

Well as the title clearly indicates I'm frustrated, I am frustrated with the direction that my life is going, and now the hope full lights that made it that much less of a chore to not let my self slip back into another dark place have slowly but very purposefully been extinguished.  In stead their being extinguished just seems to highlight the fact that i would say i should pack my bags because I'm on my way to hell but for the most part I'm already there and this just shows that I'm trapped and the sub basement is the next destination so don't bother packing!

Emotional Masks And Masculinity

I was looking threw Queerty today and ran across a this little pic article which in it's self is very cute, but one of the comment is what caught my attention.  That comment was that basically in our society boys are taught not to show their emotions and most specifically ones what could be seen as weak.  The comment brought up the idea that if in our society we could move away for the idea that a man is weak for experiencing and freely expressing his emotions not only would men as a whole be mentally and psychological healthier but the society as a whole would be heather and much more peaceful.  This idea has kind of struck me.

Over As Fast As It Started

So my string of great relationship disasters continues, I keep trying to remind my self that like my friend says that things have worked out for the best but breaking up always sucks.  So yeah, you all may not be aware but for 3 days I did have a (long distance) boyfriend,(in VA) unfortunately things ended very nastily.

I don't know why other then the fact that like any relationship I ever get into I seem to open my self up to the person way to much way to soon to the point that even when so early in a relationship if it ends it hits me much harder then it dose most others.  Then of course there is the way it ended, it ended in a big fight unfortunately do to circumstances it had to play out over text message, yet I had not wanted it to end.

Thoughts, Music & The Inner Reaches Of The Mind

Today I am going to take a brake from some of the more political and deep social topics and instead just talk do a little bit about me and just some of the things that have been on my mind lately. So as the title implies this post will have some songs thrown in with it as well that I think will help set the mood, plus let me share some of my favorite songs with you all.  So join me after the jump!

The Gay Voice

I know the topic that has been debated and talked about practically since the dawn of time, but now its my turn to throw my two cents into debate.  This is brought up Moe in the context of the idea of the "gay accent" as YouTube's StraightActingGayGuy puts it, which is less to to with how high pitched (or not) the voice is but the manor in which the guy speaks to where they have the "gay accent", to get an idea of what I am talking about here is the Youtube vid that sparked this post