A North West View

So I am trying not to be discouraged, but it has become clear in the efforts of the last week to crash study math that I have not used since high school that I have forgotten most all of the basic algebraic concepts. Not only that, I am also having trouble trying to learn them all again in a matter of days. I am retaining some of the information but not all of it and having trouble retaining important parts of some of the things that I am trying to learn again.  It has also become very clear that my math teachers in high school did no service by teaching to the calculator and having us use pricey sophisticated calculators to solve the equations rather then doing it extensively by pen and paper/in ones head. I get why they would want to do that, it is much easier to teach a class when you have them all using the same tool to do the work and have to account much less to students differences in mathematical abilities, but in the long run it dose a disservice to the students and their

It is official, I got an email from the local community college and have been excepted.  I will be getting the official paperwork in the mail in about 10-15 days.  Now I have a list of things that I have to get done, including talking to the financial aid office to see if I qualify for any thing, Fingers crossed that I do as any money that I can save would be great, especial since hours are not very plentiful at work so my income is quite limited at the moment.  And it would be nice to not have to take out a whole bunch of loans.  And I also have to schedule a placement test, but I am hoping to hold off on that one a little bit to give me time to practice my math skills as they are very rusty since I have not used much but very basic math in my daily life for the last 9 years.

First hurdle cleared, still in one piece, nerves still burning with energy.  However the energy is converting from pains of self doubt and fear to excitement and feelings of confidence and accomplishment. Confidence that if this step was achievable through all the doubt and second guessing then surely the steps to come are too.  That knowledge that the fear of the unknown is conquerable and that the power to do so is locked inside it just has to be given a chance to shine, and shine it will.  It will shine to light a new path, a path of new experiences, new discoveries and full of new learning.  A path that will lead to a new and brighter life, a life full of new possibilities, and a new confidence.  

Running towards change, a massive change, excitement mixed very liberally with fear. Fear of the unknown, and fear of what happens if success is not forthcoming but instead failure is instead the result that pours forth into the landscape of reality.  Failure that would all but reinforce the worst assumptions about one’s self, who they are and what they are capable of.  Yet change is inevitable, so the only real question is do you take that bull by the horns and try and direct the change that you want or do you let change trample all over you and merely try to adjust to it instead.

I have decided a little after New Years that I would like my goal to be to go back to school and get a college education.  I have determined that the only way to do that would be to go to school online, as I need to have totally open availability at work in order to get hours and I need at least 24 hours a week for health insurance and even more then that if I want to be able to pay for college, with out hopefully taking out a bunch of loans.Since I would like to avoid burying myself under lots of debt, I want to try and be able to pay for it out of pocket.  I am thinking about trying to start off taking online courses at the local community college.