A North West View

I am getting sick and tired of having to tire myself to the tether of pills, to have to take pills every day, pills that deaden my emotions.  That take some of the vividness out of the world and the power of my emotions away. Even if the vividness might be on the darker side, anything is better then feeling numb and lifeless inside.  To feel like you have been mummified and are just making the motions to move through the day, to be like a spectator to your own life. Instead I have been recently left with the desire to brake those bonds to no longer have to be tethered to such things, to instead be normal, to no longer have to take pills. To no longer have to deal with side affects like feeling sort of sedated to have my mind and my thoughts slowed down to no longer have to feel slow and dimwitted. To not have to deal with my mind freezing up at times and being left looking like a fool as you stand there in the middle of ex...

  I am feeling so frustrated lately, I don't feel like therapy is helping at all, I just feel like all it is doing is taking up time and money with nothing to show for it.  I increasingly feel that the only "progress" that has been made in helping me feel a little better is that which has been made by the minorly/moderately effective medication that I'm on.   Other then that there seems to be absolutely no direction to my "treatment" leaving me feeling like I'm swinging in the wind and like absolutely no progress is being made. I don't feel like really anything is being dealt with nor that there is really any enlightenment going on at all. Add to that the fact that increasingly I am getting more an more annoyed by my Psychiatrist en ability to be on time, which as some one that is always prompt to slightly early to arrive for any appointment time is getting more and more on my nerves.  I mean it would be one thing if ever once and a while he was la...

I know that one way to define crazy is to do the same things over and over again and expect a different out come, and I also know that to an extent that is exactly what I am contemplating as an option when it comes to how to deal with, handling my disorder.  I know that not taking medications leads me to keep on cycling and that doing so could very well possibly land me ether back in a hospital or worse dead from my own doing.  Yet I am still wondering if I should do medications or if I should forgo them against what seems to be a face of most recommended medical advice, and research for that matter.

I have come to the realization is that I have to come clean not only with my self, but with others, and that I let this out into the open.  I need to do this, not only so that it is not hanging over my head, even in an outlet where I have been the most able to freely talk about all aspects of my life, but so that I can start to remove some of the shame from the other more closed off areas of my public life.  Hopefully by doing so this should allow me to take some of the fear that this will be discovered which has also been keeping me from finding out more about what this really means and how to make things better for my self.

Well Finally Obama has used some of the power of the office of president to make a concrete mover for LGBT equality (notably one that he could and really should have done with DADT) threw presidential order.  President Obama ordered that all hospitals that take medicare and medicaid must allow same-sex partners of patients to visit, and that patients have the power to chose a same-sex partner to make medical decisions for them should they become unable to.  This is significant in the fact that because it is attached to medicare medicaid it affects nearly every hospital in the country as nearly every one take them.  This order also has an effect for straight patients as it also allows them to declare a non direct relative or even close friend to make medical decisions for them if need be instead of next of kin the would normally be prescribed by law.  

So as some of you may or may not be (if you work retail their is no way you are not aware) tomorrow is Valentines day, Named after the catholic Saint Valentine and filled with  romantic iconography like cupid with his arrows of love, which on shot with one will fall in love with the first person they lay their eyes upon .  It's a wonderful excuse to take pause and remind those dearest to you how much they mean to you and truly special a part of your life they are, which is all fine and dandy for those who are in relationships.  Now not being in a relationship, and never particularly having had the luck of having been in one during said holiday it has never been a particularly special day for me.  I personally get tired quickly of the constant advertising as it just drives home the point that I'm single at a time or year when being in a relationship is the most celebrated thing one can possibly be engaged in.  It ...

Ok so today I would like to talk about something that has been on my mind lately, and has been kind of eeking me.  It has been how we, at leas in this country, have a double standard when it comes to anything mental health related.  It is actually quite shameful to tell the truth, as society as a whole we seem to shun and separate out any one that we suspect (or know) of having any sort of mental health issue and treat them like they are some sort of contagious freak, or at the very least like they are some shameful weak willed failure of a person, because they suffer from an illness.  Yet this is just the tip of the shameful iceberg.