A North West View

I have come to the realization is that I have to come clean not only with my self, but with others, and that I let this out into the open.  I need to do this, not only so that it is not hanging over my head, even in an outlet where I have been the most able to freely talk about all aspects of my life, but so that I can start to remove some of the shame from the other more closed off areas of my public life.  Hopefully by doing so this should allow me to take some of the fear that this will be discovered which has also been keeping me from finding out more about what this really means and how to make things better for my self.

I pray for the strangth not to give in to the pain to not give into the path out that seems to easy and painless, the parth that will put an end to all of this, to all of the pain, to the inveloping darkness that my life is once again becomeing.  I pray for the stranght to make it threw this test, I pray that I make it threw this test, with out falling.  I pray that I this pain go away, that I be freed from all of this, I pray because I can't keep going like this, I don't have the stranght that I have had in the past, and it hurts so much more now, I don't have the power to overcome that I once had.  I pray that the fears be taken away that I don't have to be faced with them, that I don't have to be practicaly cripled by these frears again, these fears that I though I had delt the final blow to so many times before now.  I don't know that I have the strangth to deal with these fears any more.  Please god help me, I can't go threw this again, I don't ...