A North West View

This seems to be a constant struggle of mine, one that seems to throw a wrench in the works of a lot of things. It also seems to play on a lot of insecurity's that I have as well as bad feelings from the past.  It is a topic that has come up recently in therapy with my shrink, as it touches quite a few areas in my life and is one of the big things that cause me to have negative feeling about my self. That thing is that I really don't want to be seen as a women, as womanly or as playing the roll of a women in any part of my life. However those are things that others have blatantly thrown at me making me hyper aware that they think I do/am, and that they seem me as doing and being womanly.  I have a very clear picture of how I want to be seen and how I should be, but it seems to be a picture that I just can't live up to, or in other ways have dieresis that conflict with that desire of how I really should be.  I strongly want to be seen as a real man, as someone that fit...

It seems that while the straight world is moving in the direction of a more rounded definition of what makes a man well a man that gay community is instead increasingly moving in the opposite direction of defining a man by the tired worn out old  stereotypes  of what makes one a man, stereotypes that never even applied in the "good old days" while the straight community is moving towards excepting that the old gender rolls are indeed out dated and that a man can still be a man and posses an increasing number of traditional feminine traits like caring about their appearance, showing emotions in public including talking about their feelings, having interest in what where traditionally considered woman's things like cooking, crafting and even TV shows.  Yet in the gay community the obsession is instead with being much more muscula...