A North West View

I really am having trouble handling anything lately and it's not getting any better, I really am getting to the point that I want to just give up on every thing that I'm doing and supposed to be doing to try to help me live the normal balanced life that I really do want to get back/or too!  It really is getting to the point that doing what needs to be done simply to take care of my self normally let alone the things that are now required as part of the medical process to try to help get me to the life that I want are getting to be to hard to deal with. 

It has been a while since I have posted. a big part of that is simply I am finding it hard to be inspired at the moment. The other part would be that my emotional instability has realy ratcheted up lately. It has gotten back up to being so intense on the down side that when I crash and am down I just want to be dead. I also have to get after my self because it's so intense I feel mad at my self for not being able to overdose on something and just end these the cycles. I am trying everything I know how to do to deal with this, and I hope to be able to hang in there. I am disappointed I had to reup on one of the meds we where trying to get off of, but I don't know if that it or not, I doubt it will. It may sound bad but even though I know there can be good times in my life, I wish I where dead because these lows are to hard and nothing is ever going to stop them from comeing like they do, and I'm tired of fighting them.