Skip to main content

Life Cycle

It has been a while since I have posted. a big part of that is simply I am finding it hard to be inspired at the moment. The other part would be that my emotional instability has realy ratcheted up lately.

It has gotten back up to being so intense on the down side that when I crash and am down I just want to be dead. I also have to get after my self because it's so intense I feel mad at my self for not being able to overdose on something and just end these the cycles.

I am trying everything I know how to do to deal with this, and I hope to be able to hang in there. I am disappointed I had to reup on one of the meds we where trying to get off of, but I don't know if that it or not, I doubt it will.

It may sound bad but even though I know there can be good times in my life, I wish I where dead because these lows are to hard and nothing is ever going to stop them from comeing like they do, and I'm tired of fighting them.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Mental Health Awareness

As some of you may or may not know May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as such I thought I would write a blog post to try and help do my part to help raise awareness, and end the stigma of mental illness.  I also hope to show provide some hope in the process.  As many of you already know I have a mental illness, and that is Bipolar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with only relatively recently, about a year ago, although I have had it for a nice chunk of my life.  It is something that while I am still just in the beginning stages of starting to understand and control, I don't feel that it is something that I should have to be ashamed of or have to worry about others finding out about it.  unfortunately though there is quite a large amount of stigma that surrounds mental illness especially "serious mental illness", which they are for those that suffer from them (and those close to them as well)  unfortunately  though it also makes it sound scarier t...

Smothering

Nothingness sneaks in first filling in the hidden corners of one’s being, then slowly spreading like a black mass, smothering all the lies in its path, draining the life out of life itself.  Yet its familiarity in a very twisted way brings some level of comfort,  as if a treasured blanket on a cold dark evening. http://anothwestview.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-storm-clouds-gather.html

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things.  It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.