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Showing posts from September, 2013

Felling Creative

I know that some of you have been worried about me and how I have been doing, I am really starting to feel better.  Matter of fact I have been feeling creative lately and I have started to write, and a story at that which is something that I don't often do.  I thought that I would share a little taste of it with you so after the jump is the first paragraph of my story. (8 pages so far)

Hiding In The Sand

I find that I feel like a bad person lately for my total lack of engaging in the current events going on in the world around me on any meaningful level, scientific topics on the environment, politics all the way up to current events in Syria, where I know just the most basic facts from the odd news headline or post that drifts past me on Facebook where I don't even really read them at all. (and I have a couple of friends, one in particular that is very plugged into all of that) I don't watch the news, the most news I get is reading the local headlines of the local paper online, not even reading the stories.  I feel like as an adult I should be plugged into those things, and that it is part of my responsibility as one to be as well informed as I can possibly be, yet I am in effect hiding my head in the ground to the world around me. this is something that had been gnawing away at me in the back of my mind for a while until it suddenly came into sharp focus.

Not bad bad.

Sorry if I have frightened any of my readers with my expressions of my inner feelings.  I am in now way a threat to myself right now.  I plan on speaking to my doc on Monday. I have done a self depression test and fall into the lower rang of moderet-sever which for me is a "not bad" level as I have no self harmful to my self. I just have no interest in anything nor any reall hope about the future. But I still function mostly well I just dont really want to do it, and tend to feel overwhelmed and pissed of much more easily. But in a strange way even though it is not a great place to be I it is somehow still a comfort too.


Nothingness sneaks in first filling in the hidden corners of one’s being, then slowly spreading like a black mass, smothering all the lies in its path, draining the life out of life itself.  Yet its familiarity in a very twisted way brings some level of comfort,  as if a treasured blanket on a cold dark evening.

The Storm Clouds Gather

Time ticks by slowly inevitably moving closer and closer to the time of death. As clouds build up in the sky, first on the horizon then encroaching ever closer and closer, until all of the heavens are blotted out behind their threatening dark masses, waiting to open up and flood the earth below. Until everything that is and everything that was is washed away and all the is left is nothingness.