A North West View

Things are clearly starting to head towards a down turn, and it is becoming more and more clear that a dark storm is indeed brewing on the horizon just waiting to edge its way in until it has destroyed all defences and has everything wrapped up in its furry. The negative judgements and self hatred are starting to edge their way in with even more force, as is the resentment over every action and path I take.  With my new found disgust and self hatred for taking my meds the meds that I have been having a hard time managing to take on a daily basis like am supposed to, now I feel even more disgusted and defeated by taking and feel even more self hatred for even needing to take them.

This is going to just a quickie blog, and I'm going to start it off with a question I have been toying with the idea of doing a blog entry every day for a month, possibly next month, and would like to know what you my readers think. Would you like to see me post something every day weather it be a long blog or a short little reflection?

I just don't get it,  it seems that on shows like House Hunters  , Property Virgins  , And My First Place  seem to be populated by so many people my age, and they have budgets that I could only dream of!  I don't get what I am doing wrong I scrimp and save, I stuff the vast majority of my paycheck away into savings each week with automatic transfer! I live less then extravagantly I'm about the most frugal person that I know, and have absolutely no debt.

So I have spent some time today editing and cropping some of the photos I took yesterday at one of my favorite spots to get away and do some reflecting, which happens to be the spot that I shoot my latest YouTube video .  I thought that I would share them today as they are about the only form of self expression that is not winding up being totally frustrating for me right now.  So please do enjoy.

It would seem that for as much flack as the US get especially in international press for an anti-Muslim environment, a good chunk of Europe is not fare behind and is jumping into territory all but the most extreme in the US would be shocked to see come to reality. While in the US in some circles, usually the those of the religious right wing their is much vocal ant-Muslim sentiment raised over many issues especially that of constructing mosques, and banning them which a vast majority brushes aside as plain and simple bigotry with absolutely no basis in reality, the idea of actual banning any part of openly practicing their religion as an utter violation not only of their own rights as a human being but also a violation of their rights and freedoms under the constitution. Yet in France they have already passed a law banning Muslim woman from waring niqab which for some is a very important part of their religion.

As has been floating around the blogosphere (more in depth here and here ) and news yet another gay teen has tragically taken their own life.  One could easily spend pages and pages condemning those who bullied and ostracized him, the teachers, principals and school that did nothing to stop it, the pollutions and social opinion makers who spew such toxic anti gay filth from their mouths on an almost daily basses, and how they have the blood of his death and deaths of many more before on their hands.  Yet no matter how true that is those that are easiest to blame and those that hold so much responsibility are also the ones that don't give a damn ether, yes they may fain dismay, shock or regret for a few moments but then before one can even blink their eyes they will be back to their despicable ways.  Yet this tragic loss also brings to light so much more nastiness, nastiness that is if not even more despicable at least as despicable as that which lead up to this horrible out come.

So I thought that I would share a recipe that I invented in part one morning while making a breakfast omelet and turned into a really tasty dinner, it may sound a little odd but trust me it is good, after all my brother who is one of the finicky eaters I know actually liked it too, so I'm sure it will be a hit with others.

So I'm being faced with the fact and starting to be forced with trying to truly change the fact that in my life and my view of my self I have many many ideas and ideals about how I should be that totally conflict with the reality of what I am how I am, and what actually makes me happy.  One of the biggest ones that also seems to be particularly hard to deal with is my negative views of my self when it comes to my sexuality, the way that I can and my natural manorisms. It is something that almost totally conflicts and is something that seems to be so deeply ingrained and no matter how much when it is looked at in a logical way somehow the assumptions and unattainable ideals still seem so right and like to see things other wise is some how simply just wrong. Then add to the fact that I don't understand why I feel this way and see things in this way which should not matter when it comes to the fact that they are illogical and thus are something that should be jettisoned like the

Welcome my dear readers, it has been way to long since in have posted a blog entry, but in part this is a good sign in disguise, this is because in part I have been busy with work, but also because I have been busy finally getting my life back in order from my last bought of depression.  As part of that I have been working almost weekly with my physiatrist on discovering issues that I have, leaning ways for me to become more aware of the things that I think and start to examine why I think those things and to evaluate if those ways of thinking are helping me or hurting me.  I am just starting down what is clearly going to be a long and not necessarily easy path towards the goal of creating a more balanced and thus healthier me.  As part of that I have also been working on decluttering my life, going threw my stuff and clearing out the clutter that has accumulated in my room and all my little storage spots.  This has though taken up quite a chunk of my time, and my attention unfortunate