So today I have another appointment with my shrink (OK psychiatrist) and have come away with more things to think about and to try to pause and contemplate on to try to understand how I feel at them and possibly why. I can see that some sort of progress is being made yet even that is actually a scary prospect too. It seems that even in the self destructive negativity and the stupid repeating loops that it brings about as crappy as it is, at the same time some how its comforting and less scary then trying to change it. I wounder how I am going to over come the
It seems like such a hard thing, probably because it is, I mean after leaving each appointment I feel like I have be sent threw the was several times over, and I feel so emotionally worked up and drained like I have been to battle, a battle that I still seem to ill understand. A battle where even fighting it in what are the best ways out there seems to feel like a form of defeat. I wounder when these battles while cease to be battles and I can put them behind me.
I am also starting to wounder how to bring order to my life, some sort of stability in routine with a schedule that is anything but stable and is anything but conducive to a stable consistent routine day in and day out. As it increasingly seems like that might help weed out so many issues and make it at least that much easier to deal with others.