A North West View

Once again my hatred of my self, especially for the fact that I am gay has bubbled up to the surface, part of it was because of the light prodding of the subject early on in my appointments with my shrink and his strong suggestion that I start to ex amen those feeling and try to understand why I have them, partly because those feelings have never fully left and never fully been able to be swept under the rug like many of my other feelings manage to get to have done to them. (at least for a short while) Most definitely though do the inadvertent jabbing of the lid to the Pandora's box of them by a coworker who had no real intention to cause harm or pain but was simply joking around.  Something that just about every time cause things to get stirred up with in me and that I actively pretend I am alright with and join in the joking which to every one else around seems like I am joking but in reality I am beating up on my self.