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Showing posts from March, 2012

Why Me? What Did I Do?

So the white washing has once again come undone, if only one of these days it would stick to the rotten wood that lies beneath it!  I am once again, well that would imply that it ever actually went away, stuck asking my self why me and what I ever did to deserve to be gay, to be punished in such a way?  What did I do that was so bad so wrong that God punished me by making me gay, that I was not strong enough, smart enough, good enough to overcome it?  That instead I buckled under the presser,  damning my self and everything else in the process.   Why was I not strong enough?  WHY?

I failed so badly, I just don't know what I did wrong, I don't know what I could have done, and I don't know how to change it, how to make my self normal!! How to change myself so that I can have a normal life, so that I can have everything that I dreamed of having, so that I can be the person I dreamed of being, and the person that I was supposed to be!  What did I do to deserve to be gay to n…

Replacing Self Pity & Shame, With Acceptance & Pride

This really is really a multi-front process in my case with multiple stages of progress, but with each step forward it seems that the mental framing is only strengthened for those areas that are still lagging.  The biggest hurdle seems to simply be getting past the why me and the shame, but instead starting to embrace it. That which used to be a wrong, something that was bad, that should be hidden away, or fit to be ashamed of, it/they become things that instead of flaws are things that make me uniquely me, that they are strengths and as such they are things that I should be proud of that, should not have to be hidden away, but can become just as matter of fact parts of life as waking up in the morning or enjoying a good cup of (decaf) coffee.  It is also the recognition of the fact that if someone thinks lesser of you for what ever it may be, or if they have a problem with it, that it is their problem and it dose not matter one bit, it is for them to work threw not for you to worry …


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Gay Relationships Are Not Real; Since When?!?

This seems to be the sentiment that is more then popping out of the wood work as the debate heats up after the Governor signed the marriage equality bill, now with a Referendum still in the works(the league of women voters is contesting the AG's biased wording) and the Imitative poised to start soon too. (a judge just finished the legal wording for it) To see  these views I don't even have to look further then the opinion column of my local news paper and the comment section on said opinions, With those that oppose gay marriage not only insisting that gay marriage will lead to a slippery slope, that it's bad for the kids, and that it will destroy religion too.  Even more infuriatingly though they are also stating that gay relationships are not real ones at all, as if we are all acting and pretending when we are in a relationship so that we can secretly destroy marriage and the family, it is so infuriatingly wrong and absurd that it just makes my blood boil!