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A storm Is Brewing On The Horizon

Things are clearly starting to head towards a down turn, and it is becoming more and more clear that a dark storm is indeed brewing on the horizon just waiting to edge its way in until it has destroyed all defences and has everything wrapped up in its furry. The negative judgements and self hatred are starting to edge their way in with even more force, as is the resentment over every action and path I take.  With my new found disgust and self hatred for taking my meds the meds that I have been having a hard time managing to take on a daily basis like am supposed to, now I feel even more disgusted and defeated by taking and feel even more self hatred for even needing to take them.

Not that the drugs are the only thing, my ability or lack there of to keep up on even some of the most basic household chores, my worth as a person, and my physical appearances are all also starting to take a beating, considering that I have not managed to take off the weight gain from my last fight with this monster of a storm, even the sight of my cloths is enough to remind me that once again I am as big as a freaking house, that I am once again a fat freak that no one will ever care for or about.  A failure at even being able to manage the minor things in daily life, that I am not worth much at all as a person that there are many appliances that probably have more value then I do. 

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