Skip to main content

What's Wrong, And How Do I Make It Stop

I really am having trouble handling anything lately and it's not getting any better, I really am getting to the point that I want to just give up on every thing that I'm doing and supposed to be doing to try to help me live the normal balanced life that I really do want to get back/or too!  It really is getting to the point that doing what needs to be done simply to take care of my self normally let alone the things that are now required as part of the medical process to try to help get me to the life that I want are getting to be to hard to deal with. 

I really just don't want to do any of it, I just want to stop it all I don't want to deal with any thing, I don't want to deal with life as its all to much to deal with.  I can't hardly bring my self to leave the house unless I am forced to, because to do so is almost to much to deal at good chunks of the time, let alone if one thing goes not quite right then I just about go into an emotional meltdown.  I don't know what is wrong any more, I don't know what to do, because I can't do anything, the thought of doing anything is to much, let alone trying to do anything.

I feel I really am at the mercy of God, and I fear that I don't have the inner strength that it will take any more to get threw this, to get threw it with out having things fall apart and my life finally go to pieces before my eyes.  I pray that I pull threw this one too with out it coming to that as I have so much that having such things happen would totally destroyed.  Yet I am not confident about the out come being the way I would so desperately like it to be.  

as always thank you for reading, and comments are always welcome, and appreciated.
Labels:

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

It's Past Time To Boycott Motts, And Spread the word.

Some of you may not know this but the workers at Mott's factory in Williamson NY (their only factory) have been forced out on strike, after the company walked away from the bargaining table when the workers refused to accept a new contract that cut wages buy $1.50 an hour while downgrading the medical plan increasing employee medical cost as well as slashing their pension and 401K plans.  Even thought the company recently acquired by Dr. Pepper Snapple, made a profit of $555 million last year as well as increase in stock value of 35%!  To add further insult to injury over the time of "economic hardship" that company is using to justify the wage, pension, 401K cuts and increase in worker health care cost, those in charge of the company proceeded to double their salaries!
5 comments
Read more after the jump

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things.  It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.
5 comments
Read more after the jump

"You Have A Soft Homosexual Voice" Customer

Yes that was one of the things that a customer who took it upon them selves to "preach" to me during my job, while I was stuck helping cut his keys and find the other random items that he said he needed help finding.  Strangely this is not the first time I have attracted the type that decided to do some preaching to me to help "being me to Christ" while I'm on the job and their captive audience stuck helping do something for them, how ever this was one of the first times that I really had to bite my tongue to avoid saying or doing something that I would regret and that could get me in trouble with my bosses.
5 comments
Read more after the jump