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Please God Help Me

I pray for the strangth not to give in to the pain to not give into the path out that seems to easy and painless, the parth that will put an end to all of this, to all of the pain, to the inveloping darkness that my life is once again becomeing.  I pray for the stranght to make it threw this test, I pray that I make it threw this test, with out falling.  I pray that I this pain go away, that I be freed from all of this, I pray because I can't keep going like this, I don't have the stranght that I have had in the past, and it hurts so much more now, I don't have the power to overcome that I once had. 

I pray that the fears be taken away that I don't have to be faced with them, that I don't have to be practicaly cripled by these frears again, these fears that I though I had delt the final blow to so many times before now.  I don't know that I have the strangth to deal with these fears any more. 

Please god help me, I can't go threw this again, I don't have any hope left for the futer, I can't keep living if this is what my life promisses me, I can't keep living when joy light and happyness are mearly teasers that all to breifly flill in the spaces bettwen the all enveloping soul sucking, so killing darkenes.  I don't know why I must be punished in this way, I only have so much strangth and with each time I have less and less.  I don't know if you want me to wind up dead or not, but I have flurted with doing just that so many times in the past with these periods of monstorus blackness, and each time it has gotten closer and closse.  I realy want to just make it stop, god I really do just want to make it stop.  I don't want this pain any more I don't want this life this life of tourter that you keep putting me threw, it is not making me stronger, it is only makeing me weaker and more voulnrable to the final fall.  I don't think I will ever find the serinity that I seek, let of all on this earth in this life. So why god should I even keep fighiting this?  Why should I not just let go, and let my life drain away from me, and relase me for this existance? 
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Comments

  1. Biki HonkoMay 26, 2011 at 7:41 PM

    Go back to your doctor and have you meds re-evaluated! You should not be this depressed if your dosages were doing you good.

    Now make the earlist appointment possible, and if things get very rough, gather up your meds, all of your vitamins too, and head on down to the E.R. If you are taking suppliments, or drinking certain types of energy drinks the energy compounds could be mucking about with your meds in a very large way.

    Dont be a passive person to your depression. Get in there and fight it to the mat!

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