How ever I do fear that admitting to this will cause others to view me in a way that is highly negative way for something that I have struggled so hard with and that I know deep down is not caused be some failing on my part, unfortunately by and large what I am needing to admit dose carry very large and negative stigmas with it. It is something that I know is viewed as even worse then being gay, and that has enough negative stigmas of it's own. But I also know that I can't handle carrying this around as a secret and trying to also fight it and conquer it at the same time, because in order to do so I will have to risk letting others know, or others discovering by happenstance. It is also something that I am going to have to share at some point in future relationships as well, as the other person is going to have to at least know about it so that they can understand any possible actions I need to do to get to and stay where I want to be.
The secret that I have been talking about so much recently, and that I have to allow my self to learn more about and to learn tricks on how to handle and control, is that I have health issue but not of the physical health sort. I have a mental heath issue, which is why I have expended so much energy and effort to try to ignore it, shove it under the rug and to try to keep it from coming to the light of day.
I have Bipolar Disorder.
This is not something that I say lightly, and it still scares me half to death to think that I have even said this out loud. I have been suffering for far to long and I hope that this really is the first step in making things better. I hope that this dose not change your or others view of me.