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Time To Come Clean

I have come to the realization is that I have to come clean not only with my self, but with others, and that I let this out into the open.  I need to do this, not only so that it is not hanging over my head, even in an outlet where I have been the most able to freely talk about all aspects of my life, but so that I can start to remove some of the shame from the other more closed off areas of my public life.  Hopefully by doing so this should allow me to take some of the fear that this will be discovered which has also been keeping me from finding out more about what this really means and how to make things better for my self.

How ever I do fear that admitting to this will cause others to view me in a way that is highly negative way for something that I have struggled so hard with and that I know deep down is not caused be some failing on my part, unfortunately by and large what I am needing to admit dose carry very large and negative stigmas with it.  It is something that I know is viewed as even worse then being gay, and that has enough negative stigmas of it's own.  But I also know that I can't handle carrying this around as a secret and trying to also fight it and conquer it at the same time, because in order to do so I will have to risk letting others know, or others discovering by happenstance.  It is also something that I am going to have to share at some point in future relationships as well, as the other person is going to have to at least know about it so that they can understand any possible actions I need to do to get to and stay where I want to be. 

The secret that I have been talking about so much recently, and that I have to allow my self to learn more about and to learn tricks on how to handle and control, is that I have health issue but not of the physical health sort.  I have a mental heath issue, which is why I have expended so much energy and effort to try to ignore it, shove it under the rug  and to try to keep it from coming to the light of day. 

 I have Bipolar Disorder.

This is not something that I say lightly, and it still scares me half to death to think that I have even said this out loud.  I have been suffering for far to long and I hope that this really is the first step in making things better.  I hope that this dose not change your or others view of me.
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Comments

  1. Biki HonkoMay 26, 2011 at 7:36 PM

    Change my view of you? Only in that I think you are a very brave person. Many, many others have bipolar disorder, and it's nothing at all to be ashamed of! You are not less of a person because of this, and really you shouldnt allow others to degrade you due to this.

    Stand tall, stand proud, you are a wonderful human being, yes with a few flaws, but name someone that is perfect, I know I'm not!!

    Stop ignoring part of who you are. Embrace all that is you, and if others can't or wont deal with you in a kind way? Then stuff 'em, you dont need them anyway. Bigots of any flavor are out and out stupid and mean spirited.

    ReplyDelete
  2. aNorthWestViewMay 26, 2011 at 8:45 PM

    Thank you! It really dose mean a lot to me to not be seen as some sort of monster or freak. I am working on finding that path to embracing who I am, and working on shaping myself into the person that I want to be, with out letting the negativity of others change that.

    ReplyDelete

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