Time To Come Clean

I have come to the realization is that I have to come clean not only with my self, but with others, and that I let this out into the open. I need to do this, not only so that it is not hanging over my head, even in an outlet where I have been the most able to freely talk about all aspects of my life, but so that I can start to remove some of the shame from the other more closed off areas of my public life. Hopefully by doing so this should allow me to take some of the fear that this will be discovered which has also been keeping me from finding out more about what this really means and how to make things better for my self.

How ever I do fear that admitting to this will cause others to view me in a way that is highly negative way for something that I have struggled so hard with and that I know deep down is not caused be some failing on my part, unfortunately by and large what I am needing to admit dose carry very large and negative stigmas with it. It is something that I know is viewed as even worse then being gay, and that has enough negative stigmas of it's own. But I also know that I can't handle carrying this around as a secret and trying to also fight it and conquer it at the same time, because in order to do so I will have to risk letting others know, or others discovering by happenstance. It is also something that I am going to have to share at some point in future relationships as well, as the other person is going to have to at least know about it so that they can understand any possible actions I need to do to get to and stay where I want to be.

The secret that I have been talking about so much recently, and that I have to allow my self to learn more about and to learn tricks on how to handle and control, is that I have health issue but not of the physical health sort. I have a mental heath issue, which is why I have expended so much energy and effort to try to ignore it, shove it under the rug and to try to keep it from coming to the light of day.

I have Bipolar Disorder.

This is not something that I say lightly, and it still scares me half to death to think that I have even said this out loud. I have been suffering for far to long and I hope that this really is the first step in making things better. I hope that this dose not change your or others view of me.

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things. It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.

Mental Health Awareness

As some of you may or may not know May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as such I thought I would write a blog post to try and help do my part to help raise awareness, and end the stigma of mental illness. I also hope to show provide some hope in the process. As many of you already know I have a mental illness, and that is Bipolar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with only relatively recently, about a year ago, although I have had it for a nice chunk of my life. It is something that while I am still just in the beginning stages of starting to understand and control, I don't feel that it is something that I should have to be ashamed of or have to worry about others finding out about it. unfortunately though there is quite a large amount of stigma that surrounds mental illness especially "serious mental illness", which they are for those that suffer from them (and those close to them as well) unfortunately though it also makes it sound scarier t...

The Attacks Start At the Last Minute

With only a week left until ballots mail out in Washington state, Protect Marriage Washington has started airing their first ad in what is doubtless to be a series of ads to run threw the election on Nov 6. as the Seattle times says about this time in the election cycle "for a ballot measure that isn't up on the air now is missing a big opportunity. Ballots mail out next week" and it appears that even though they are late to the race compared to the Approve campaign that has had ads running for months between Washington United for marriage and an ad run by Seattle Pride during the summer Olympics they seem to be coming out of the gate swinging using some of the same old tactics that have proven so effective in the past in scaring the public into voting their way. although this time they seem to have thrown in another tool to their approach ...

A North West View

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