Not to mention that I don't trust that the pills are actually good for me, that they just are not screwing up my brain possibly irreversibly. After all how can something that has such affects on ones mind not be something that is a danger to their mind too? To not be acting as some sort of toxin to the function of the mind and the many systems that are built upon it? After all what do the drug companies who effectively own the FDA care about those sorts of affects, they are just in it to make a profit not to actual care about what possible long term damage their drugs may cause. Why should I put such things into my system?
I so desperately want off of the things, it really has crossed my mind to just stop taking them with out even talking to my shrink or any one else about it because I don't believe that they will understand. No they think that the drugs are a solution to a problem and that they make me a better person. I know that my family, and even my coworkers think that they make me a better person, yet I don't feel that they make me a better person just a person whose true emotions have been trapped inside of a cage. I feel that it traps me into better fitting the mold of the person that they want me to be, but I don't know that, that is the mold that I want to fit, to feel less like me, to feel numb and dead inside.
I so want off of these drugs that those around me think I need to be one, to be freed of them so that I can more closely be normal, not some chemically controlled something else. Not a profit margin for the drug companies, just another decimal point in their statistics and bank accounts not a guinea pig, put out there saying that the supposed benefits out weigh the unknown long term risks of being filled with such chemicals. I want to brake free of it all and to most importantly be normal! That is what I want.