First hurdle cleared, still in one piece, nerves still burning with energy. However the energy is converting from pains of self doubt and fear to excitement and feelings of confidence and accomplishment. Confidence that if this step was achievable through all the doubt and second guessing then surely the steps to come are too. That knowledge that the fear of the unknown is conquerable and that the power to do so is locked inside it just has to be given a chance to shine, and shine it will. It will shine to light a new path, a path of new experiences, new discoveries and full of new learning. A path that will lead to a new and brighter life, a life full of new possibilities, and a new confidence.
So how do you get to the point where the wheels are flying off the your manic high, especially when you are supposedly supposed to be educated on your disorder. For me that is at once a complicated and in ways a simple question. It is complicated because there are so many warning signs to be missed or to be shoved under the rug, and yet so simple because it is rooted in the fact that your brain is saying that everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about, when in fact if you value your mental stability and balance, like I do, there is very much to be worried about. This is not just so abstract question that I ponder in my mind like an artifact displayed in a case at a museum, it is something that is a very real part of my life and something that I am living through at this very moment.