First hurdle cleared, still in one piece, nerves still burning with energy. However the energy is converting from pains of self doubt and fear to excitement and feelings of confidence and accomplishment. Confidence that if this step was achievable through all the doubt and second guessing then surely the steps to come are too. That knowledge that the fear of the unknown is conquerable and that the power to do so is locked inside it just has to be given a chance to shine, and shine it will. It will shine to light a new path, a path of new experiences, new discoveries and full of new learning. A path that will lead to a new and brighter life, a life full of new possibilities, and a new confidence.
While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things. It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.
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