So I am trying not to be discouraged, but it has become clear in the efforts of the last week to crash study math that I have not used since high school that I have forgotten most all of the basic algebraic concepts. Not only that, I am also having trouble trying to learn them all again in a matter of days. I am retaining some of the information but not all of it and having trouble retaining important parts of some of the things that I am trying to learn again. It has also become very clear that my math teachers in high school did no service by teaching to the calculator and having us use pricey sophisticated calculators to solve the equations rather then doing it extensively by pen and paper/in ones head. I get why they would want to do that, it is much easier to teach a class when you have them all using the same tool to do the work and have to account much less to students differences in mathematical abilities, but in the long run it dose a disservice to the students and their learned abilities.
More after the jump.
What has become very clear is that I am going to have to start from the very bottom when it comes to math and work my way up, as I am going to need to relearn the basics. I am not so much discouraged or disappointed, because I am not in this to compare my self to others and their abilities it is about my own personal growth and this is what is going to be needed to bring it about. I also have to remind myself that I have not used these skills in 9 years, which is a long time, add to that the fact that I was not very strong in them when I was in high school and I think you have the perfect storm of needing to relearn them. This crash studying has also made it pretty clear that math is not my strong suit just like it never has been and that as such I am going to have the adjust my goals and look at getting an associates in the arts and drop the sciences out of the equation, because taking courses that involve a lot of math is just going to set my self up if not to fail to have lack luster performance, which for one thing will not look good on a resume but also will only set me up to feel less then steelier about the whole processes and about my self and my abilities at the same time. Which is not a good thing for self esteem nor very conducive to the learning process. That leaves a lot of potential carriers out the window especially the ones that the experts (and the government) push as being part of the job growth market, and ones that are desperately needed in other words the STEM jobs. Yet the last thing I want is to get into another job that I hate just for a different reason, so I guess that it is a good thing to realize this now, then after throwing a lot of time, and money at it to only not utilize that portion of my schooling.
I am still looking forward to starting the process, it just means I am going to have to have a serious conversation with an adviser and let them know that I want to start out in the basic math class as my skills just are not there sufficiently enough to excel in a higher level class. That and to find educational paths that are less focused on math and that involve a lot less of it. It has taken a little time and reflection to realize that this dose not mean that I am not smart, it just means that my strengths are in different areas, I mean I am lost when it comes to a math equation but give me an article about a complicated political, geopolitical, or social issue and I eat it up and understand it readily. It is the sort of stuff that I just love, it is part of why I tend to love history so much, it is that you can go back and dissect the intricacies of the political and social aspects and ramifications of decisions and the actions that they brought about, then you can look at today's world and see many of the same sorts of things playing out just in different ways, but not unfamiliar ones. There are so many things that I am passionate about and that I love, and honestly most of them don't involve math or science.
So I am determined to take this new information in stride and make the best of it, and to find the path that is right for me, even if it is not the path that is most travailed. Sine this journey is for me and my betterment it is not for other people, why should they matter in the equation one bit; and with that the journey continues and nothing is going to put a stop to it.