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Over As Fast As It Started

So my string of great relationship disasters continues, I keep trying to remind my self that like my friend says that things have worked out for the best but breaking up always sucks.  So yeah, you all may not be aware but for 3 days I did have a (long distance) boyfriend,(in VA) unfortunately things ended very nastily.

I don't know why other then the fact that like any relationship I ever get into I seem to open my self up to the person way to much way to soon to the point that even when so early in a relationship if it ends it hits me much harder then it dose most others.  Then of course there is the way it ended, it ended in a big fight unfortunately do to circumstances it had to play out over text message, yet I had not wanted it to end.

The thing is that I know I feel short and I felt bad about falling short, and wanted to try and talk over the issue that I had with him but instead he only wanted to fight with me.  I know I not handle everything perfectly but I also had my reasons for why I was having issues yet I was never even attempt to deal with the underlying issue which would be trust.  

This all came about when Monday he asked me to western union him fifty bucks because he had run out short funds when it came time to buy groceries, and he would pay me back on Friday.  I will fully admit that this makes me sound like a total a$$hole of a boyfriend, and it made me feel like a total one to, but I was immediately uncomfortable with the who idea of doing so.  It was hard to, and is still hard to put my finger on the exact reason why I was so massively uncomfortable.  He had been the one to start the conversation sort of dancing around the subject of wanting something and making it clear enough what it was so that I would directly bring it up for him, at which point he asked for the money.  When I asked for time to think about it he said he was OK but then played more emotional blackmail by being like "remember while your think i have not eaten yet"   which to an extent did some of it's trick and make me feel junky and like I should ignore my gut.
However it's hard to ignore this nagging feeling that something was wrong when the person who supposedly makes 3k a month and no longer has a car managed that!! It also scares me that it was only on Sunday that you where the one the brought up money and asked how much I had in my savings account.  It was then immediately after that, that he wanted to move in with me, to have me find an apartment and rent it and pay everything for "month till his job license and thus job here was up and running". Then the fact that when he moved out he wanted to not have any accounts of his own and just be put onto mine!! (and even though he said he was OK when I said no he really did not seem OK with it)  Well I talked to my friend to try to come up with a solution that might work and the both of us said just barrow it for the saving he told me about and that would solve the problem, but when I suggested that he said it was not possible because he in reality had no saving and that saving was to pay off something. (I know what it is)  so then I suggested asking his friends where he was because I was not comfortable with the amount, he said he had tried and that no one could help.  Then emotional blackmailed again by being victim with me being big and bad, and it now being to late there to do anything about it.

Then I did the stupid thing and instead of just saying I'm sorry I can't, I suggested I would TRY to send a smaller amount 30 bucks.  But after having a night to sleep on it my gut feeling was only worse then ever. Things just did not seem to be adding up to me and I did not like the fact that when I had tried to get him to talk about it with me and go over it with me so that I could "see" how it added up to the situation and got into a minor tiff that resulted in me agreeing the night before to TRY and give him the 30 bucks.  Well I went to the store with the intention of forcing my self to ignore that gut feeling that what I was doing just was not right, and I got close but could not. I then went and text-ed another friend of mine hoping that they would be able to help me understand why I just could not seem to send the money like I knew need to be done to make thing work.

Well I quickly decided that the money was not going to be sent because I was in no way comfortable doing it, so I text-ed him my now exBF to tell him I was sorry that I could not send the money, that I had tried, that I did not want money to rune our relationship and that I hoped he could understand.  unfortunately that went over like a lead balloon at which point I was yelled at threw text message in a mix of how bad of a person/boyfriend I was and why could I not do what he wanted me to do.  To extent it was like dealing with a child throwing a temper tantrum.

Then when I tired to explain why I was not sending the money he turned his into personal attacks, attacks on my character and on my trustworthiness (strange considering I had told him TRY and that I had expressed clearly I was not comfortable sending/loaning him money way before this point) and then back to trying tricks of emotional blackmail to make me feel like some curdy person victimizing him, never once did I insult him, yet he ended it when it became abundantly clear that I was not going to just cave and give him the money over my gut feeling with out him making efforts to alleviate those worries.

Even after breaking up he continued to text me for ten to fifteen minutes to hurl insults at me, and to try to make me feel like the guilty one with lines like "you know i really loved you but obviously you where just a user".  Its honestly the nastiest messiest break up I have ever had, not ever my first relationship had a brake up this messy and we dated for 6 months before he just stopped answering calls text and any form of communication, that brake up when he found out I was back to single, was 10 times less messy then this.

The worst part of this is that we had been friends but I don't even see that come back out of this, because I really don't ever want to deal the person that has treated me this way when their is no excuse for it.  There is no reason for them to  be like that, it's not my fault I tried to do what they wanted, and I tried to come to them when I could not and explain that I could not, I tried to get them to help do what it would take to fix the issue but that is not what they wanted to do.  I don't feel that just because I'm some ones BF I'm immediately their emergency ATM let alone 2 days into the relationship (still less then a week if you count the flirting with you before its official period) even for a loan. 

Is it that unreasonable that I should not feel comfortable loaning money to my BF given the circumstances, or the fact that in general I don't feel that it's my responsibility as a boyfriend to be an emergency cash supply.  That if you need to get groceries and have no cash right now but Friday is payday you charge them on your credit card and pay it off on payday, especially if its not rolling over the month!! (which is another good one why as a 25 year old professional could he not put it on his credit card and just pay it off on payday, no need for a loan its not rolling over and incurring interest ether.)Why should it be my responsibility to be a BF loan service, I'm not a bank. Or am I just total wrong on this whole thing and an a$$hole of a boyfriend?


As always thank you for reading and feed back is very welcome as well as very much appreciated!

Comments

  1. Wow... uh... hmm.. again all I can say is WOW.

    Ok, where to even begin with this... I guess there is no other way to say this. YOU DODGED A BULLET! There clearly was a USER in this relationship and it was NOT you. Had you not broken up I would have had to quote Dan Savage and say "DTMFA" (Dump the Mother F*cker Already!)

    Take a deep breath, and feel GOOD about this. You really did dodge a bullet!

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  2. I don't think that he was or is a user, I think I am a bit paranoid at times, I get very paranoid and anal when it comes to my money. comes in very handy when you are trying to save for things and for keeping your self out of debt but it dose cause your friends and well others to get upset with you at times (hell I don't even loan money to family if that says anything)

    I am one of those types that will not hand over finical control to any one else and I actually get very stressed and upset if I try to do my banking and for some reason the Internet is down or the banks computer systems are down as I feel out of control of my money. I know crazy but it has served me very well financially up to this point, never missed a payment on anything never had a late fee and never had any debt, and always had the money to pay for things sorted out into their proper accounts.(say for the odd medical bill that the amount the insurance dose not pay comes in but their is a "slush fund" just for that sort of thing)

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