I wonder sometimes if there it is that there just is not a gay guy out there that is what I need, that will want me for me. That will want me for the not into fashion not into "the scene" just sort of every day kinda person. I wonder if there is a guy out there that is interested in something emotional, (and intellectual) first instead of just physical, or if I am just expecting to much. It makes me wonder how my life would be if I was not gay.
It is not hard to imagine that my life would be easier if I was not gay, not only would it be easier to find a relationship, I highly suspect I would in all likelihood already be in one instead of being perpetual single far more often then I am ever in a relationship. It would also mean that I could then marry the one that I love, that I would not be denied all the rights all the securities and responsibilities that I am currently denied. It would mean that to start a family would be a much easier process as no one would question our legal rights to do so. I would not have to worry about what others are going to think and how they are going to react, I would not have to worry about the kind of surroundings I was in when simply talking about things that other people take for grate not thinking a thing about. I would not have to travel to the big city (Seattle) to visit some where, where living openly in public is basically a non issue.