Skip to main content

Online Dating, The New Frontier

So I would like to talk about the topic of online dating, as it is something that is not unheard in this day in age for anyone in the under like 50 age group, but its something that seems to be an especially common practice among the gay community, in part, it is a tool that really can help find potential partners and dates that in real life are so much harder to find, especially in areas where there are not large gay populations. (or where there is/are not much in the way of gay gatherings and such)   This how ever seems to be a good and a bad thing,
 in part because not only do you suddenly have so many choices when before you may have had that odd one here or there that you meet there a friend or at some sort of party or gathering by happenstance, and found out they where gay and single, now you have a plethora of people that you now know are gay and single, as well as with in a tightly defined age range.  Then no matter the site they are all laid out preity simerly, they will give you a small thumb nail clip and a little self written teaser summery about each person as you scan down the list. It may sound horribly shallow but every one knows they do it (I will even admit to it) they will look at the profile pic first before even going on to the summery, and then if you are intrigued you will click on the pick and drag up the profile.  This then creates the situation where people are presented with so many choices that they start going for the absolutely best looking people that they can find, even, and yes I know this sounds harsh, when they know that those people are out of their   league or they would never actually go up to them in person and talk to them.  I know that when it comes to me in all honesty I tend to not message any one, as I'm way to passive and kind of hope that they will notice that I have viewed their profile, and that they will then view mine like what they see and at least want to say HI, but I have realistic expectations that I am not going to wind up having the attention of the cream of the crop looks guy as he is way out of my league.(and unless he is really not into looks and is looking for a screwy nut job I don't stand much of a chance)

Now we get to the next part which is the fact that very few people turn out to be exactly how YOU picture them to be based on their profile, after all the pictures they post (like yours) are the most faltering ones of them selves, your knowledge of them is in large part based on a written summery and text interaction with them up until usually the first day, which is when you normally meet them in person for the fist time.  Text dose not convey a persons voice, it's pitch, their manorisms, their habits, how they laugh, if they have any strange like twitches or nervous habits etc, and the picture only convey so much information to.  So quite often you wind up creating a narrative to fill in the blanks to make a whole person, of course this is based in large part on what you want them to be,  so their is always surprise when you actually meet them in person and they don't speak in the voice you have pictured, or act how you have imagined.  Some times this is something that is easily gotten past as the things that you had in common, the things that attracted you to each others, and then actual chemistry now that you have meet them in person make them pretty much relevant, but other times they are such big glaring difference even thought they are not things that the person lied about, that what had been promising suddenly fizzles because the person the was is not the person that actually is.

Now I get to the part where I have to admit that I have never actually meet and formed a relationship threw conventional dating IE not meeting the person online, so this very last part is going to be in more based on perceptions of others then personal experience. So there are many out there that say that online dating never works because it takes all the hard first step work out of the relationship, the finding out a person is gay, that they are single then going form there to become friends/find out if you are at all romantically interested in each other, where online dating basically allows you to skip the fist couple of steps, as we have seen you already know their gay, and single and interested in dating, all that's left is seeing if you two are romantically compatible/interested. Many say that not having the fist hard steps of hunting down, befriending, then trying to woo, leads to relationships that will never last the test of time, I'm not sure that I believe this as for the most part straight people don't have to hunt down straight people. So I think it's more a matter of finding someone that wants to date, after all most people don't date friend, friends, they might date a casual friend or acquaintance but not an actual friend, after all their is the saying stuck in the friend zone.  But again never having actually having gone threw the conventional dating process I would not know, then again seeing as how I lack the confidence to really even be more then passive when it come to online dating, to even at least "wink" at some one I might be interested in, it is probably no surprise that I have never actual honed my skills at real life dating. 

I think we have talked here about the fact that among other things I really don't have the most "illustrious" dating carrie in part do to the fact that my relationship like many other parts of my life are like the economy they go threw boom bust cycles.  I would say the other part of is is that I lack any since of how dating really works or how it is supposed to work, the reality is that my understanding of dating comes intensely form popular coulter IE movies and TV so its not for the most part not actual real world dating, and as a conscience I do know I tend to get very uptight and uncomfortable in situations as I'm not quite sure what I'm supposed to be doing and what is actually totally expected of me.  It sounds horrible but it would be easier at times (rare they may be) that I'm on a date with a guy, he would be a lady, as then I would know exactly what to do for proper social etiquette, and to be a an around gentlemen. I know that these are the sorts of things that one normally picks up on, but I get the feeling that I am ether daft when it comes to picking up on them some how, or the fact that I have only ever been in 3 relationships since I came out at 19 have something to do with it non of which where particularly long lived. I fell at times it's like I have built in relationship repellent that I don't know about, but oh well I do hope that the latter is not true at least.

As always thank  you for reading, comments and freed back are always welcome.  :-)
   

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

When The Wheels Come Flying Off The High

So how do you get to the point where the wheels are flying off the your manic high, especially when you are supposedly supposed to be educated on your disorder.  For me that is at once a complicated and in ways a simple question.  It is complicated because there are so many warning signs to be missed or to be shoved under the rug, and yet so simple because it is rooted in the fact that your brain is saying that everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about, when in fact if you value your mental stability and balance, like I do, there is very much to be worried about.  This is not just so abstract question that I ponder in my mind like an artifact displayed in a case at a museum, it is something that is a very real part of my life and something that I am living through at this very moment. 

Start The Journey

Life is something that one truly has no choice but to take part in, but life can also be an adventure if one chooses to make it one . 

Lesson Learned the Hard Way

I have a lesson that I have learned the hard way, I learned it with the loss of 12 years worth of my photography, with the only surviving work being the limited amount that I had curated and shared on my recently started Flickr page.  12 years worth of passion and work that I can never get back, and