Out Of The Hospital.

I know that many of you, have been scared by my posts lately, and to be perfectly honest so was I as they where raw expressions of how I felt and exactly what I was thinking when I wrote them, even a little held back and restrained if that is possible. I also know that my sudden disappearance from not only my blog but all my web profiles might have scared you too. For that I would like to apologize, but also tell you that it was because I was in a place where I would be safe and where I could get some help and get pointed once again in the right direction with a path out of the darkness along with a light at the end of the long tunnel to strive to reach. I will probably blog on this who episode and experience in much more depth tomorrow and in the upcoming days, and explain much more clearly and precisely exactly what happened. but for now I will tell you that (and I have no shame in saying it, as at times every one gets in over their head and needs help out) I had/have been in the hospital (for the first time in my life) since early tuesday morning, when I (with my family's guidance, determination and support) I had checked my self into the mental heath unit.

It not only allowed me a safe place, one in which I could not harm my self and in which by taking away the means, and providing me support I was drawn out of the place where I would want to do so. It also provided me with the support and guidance and actions that I needed to once again pick my self up and get heading in the right direction to not only help me out of this depression but to also put me on a path to managing my underlying condition (bipolar disorder) so that I can live the balanced, productive, well adjusted happy life that I have always sought to be able to live. I am now equipped with some new coping skill, a plan on how to take control over my illness and the professionals that I will need to be able to do so. And as I have said early in the days to come will be a more in depth post about exactly what happened. This topic and the efforts to get my illness under control will probably continue to pop in future post as well.

It's Past Time To Boycott Motts, And Spread the word.

Some of you may not know this but the workers at Mott's factory in Williamson NY (their only factory) have been forced out on strike, after the company walked away from the bargaining table when the workers refused to accept a new contract that cut wages buy $1.50 an hour while downgrading the medical plan increasing employee medical cost as well as slashing their pension and 401K plans. Even thought the company recently acquired by Dr. Pepper Snapple, made a profit of $555 million last year as well as increase in stock value of 35%! To add further insult to injury over the time of "economic hardship" that company is using to justify the wage, pension, 401K cuts and increase in worker health care cost, those in charge of the company proceeded to double their salaries!

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things. It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.

"You Have A Soft Homosexual Voice" Customer

Yes that was one of the things that a customer who took it upon them selves to "preach" to me during my job, while I was stuck helping cut his keys and find the other random items that he said he needed help finding. Strangely this is not the first time I have attracted the type that decided to do some preaching to me to help "being me to Christ" while I'm on the job and their captive audience stuck helping do something for them, how ever this was one of the first times that I really had to bite my tongue to avoid saying or doing something that I would regret and that could get me in trouble with my bosses.

A North West View

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