A North West View

Ok so today I would like to talk about something that has been on my mind lately, and has been kind of eeking me.  It has been how we, at leas in this country, have a double standard when it comes to anything mental health related.  It is actually quite shameful to tell the truth, as society as a whole we seem to shun and separate out any one that we suspect (or know) of having any sort of mental health issue and treat them like they are some sort of contagious freak, or at the very least like they are some shameful weak willed failure of a person, because they suffer from an illness.  Yet this is just the tip of the shameful iceberg.

So today I would like to talk about, and attempt to talk out, my issue of even though I'm out still feeling uncomfortable and ashamed about my sexuality. It is something that I in all honesty dread and hate talking about in person. (ironically enough I know) When I do or others tend to talk to me about it, unless its one of the rear times where I actually drop my "guard" to them, I deal with it by making very homophobic type jokes, at my own experience.  Even though it makes me feel like crap, but I do it and I pretend that I think it's funny and that I love it.

So lately I have been spending a lot of time thinking about the lack of a really driving force in my life.  It seems that while every one else seems to have a driving force a goal that they are striving towards I am adrift at sea riderless with no idea what direction I'm going, nor what direction I want to go in. I can even look at my brother who did head start for the last two years of high school, and graduated both high school and technical collage with a degree and went straight into the welding field and is already building a career doing something he loves.  Yet I me I seem to have not found an ambition that drives me at all.

So in this blog I would like to take the topic of "personal don't ask don't tell" type of situations, where its in the work place, with friends, or even at home with family, after you have come out of the closet.  Some of these don't ask don't tell situations my be self imposed simply because you have not come out to the person. (even thought they seem to suspect something)  Some of them may be effectively imposed on you by some one who continues to deny that you ever came out to them, and they revert threw their actions into a don't ask don't tell policy.

So for today's post I am going to tackle the subject of body image, something that almost every one, including my self, whether they admit it or not have some issues or have had issues with.  Body image is literally how one sees them self when they look at them selves in the mirror (or in general) It is how they feel about their own looks and quite often a larger extension about how they feel about them selves.

So once again  Queerty  has goon digging threw YouTube to find a gay created, contented and targeted video, this time with the very distinct purpose of starting a reader bashing campaign against the creators of the video.  The intent of this is clear from the little tab name over the top of the story image on the main sight page entitled "Flame On" to the fact that they talk inertly about the controversy of the last informant untruer they tired to "help out" who got bashed and brutally insulted by readers.

Ok reading a post by Brian on his blog at Gay Family Values  touched on this subject.  I know that this is a subject that is not something that is unique to me, but I am going to pull back the vale of my experiences up to this point and my struggles with how I view masculinity in general and my own masculinity and manhood specifically.

As many of you may know the US Supreme Court has decided to take up the Ref. 71 case, involving the release of the names those who signed Referendum 71. Ref 71 being the successful effort to get Washington's expanded domestic partnerships law up to a public vote last year.  The No on R 71  campaign was defeated allowing the states expanded domestic partnership laws to stay on the books and go into effect.  How ever, the political groups behind No on R 71 most notably "Protect Marriage Washington" has been waging a court battle since shortly after their petition started to under go the official counting processed to prevent the release of the names of the petition signers as required under Washington states open government laws, most notably the promotion about petition signatures having been voted into law threw the petition process it's self in the 1970's.