Why Was I Made This Way

I would like to start off by saying that I know with every fiber of my being that God is a part of my life and that he has never left my side and that he never will, of that I have no doubt.

I however wonder though what I have done to diserve to be made to be be gay, and that no amount of praying has or ever will change that. Leaving me to admit deffet and giving up on that change. A song played over the radio at work the other day, that reminded me of the time in my life when I finaly had to admit failure on my part on being able to change that part of me. To have to admit that I was not good enough to change that part of me. That no matter how much I tired and I prayed that I was just not good enogh to be able to change that. I often wounder what I did and what I have done to doserve to be made gay.

Then there is being made to be bipolar, what did I do to deserve this? To diserve to have a surious mental ilness that requires me to take medication for the rest of my life, or to if I don't to drive those around me away and hurt those that mean the most to me while my life goes out control. It seems that nothing I can do will change that, and I feel like there must be something that I have done on this world to diserve such a thing, and that it must be so bad that there is no way that I can ever be forgiven for it.

So I am left woundering what is it that I have done that is so bad, so absolutly wrong that I have been made the way that I have been made.

Mental Health Awareness

As some of you may or may not know May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as such I thought I would write a blog post to try and help do my part to help raise awareness, and end the stigma of mental illness. I also hope to show provide some hope in the process. As many of you already know I have a mental illness, and that is Bipolar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with only relatively recently, about a year ago, although I have had it for a nice chunk of my life. It is something that while I am still just in the beginning stages of starting to understand and control, I don't feel that it is something that I should have to be ashamed of or have to worry about others finding out about it. unfortunately though there is quite a large amount of stigma that surrounds mental illness especially "serious mental illness", which they are for those that suffer from them (and those close to them as well) unfortunately though it also makes it sound scarier t...

Smothering

Nothingness sneaks in first filling in the hidden corners of one’s being, then slowly spreading like a black mass, smothering all the lies in its path, draining the life out of life itself. Yet its familiarity in a very twisted way brings some level of comfort, as if a treasured blanket on a cold dark evening. http://anothwestview.blogspot.com/2013/09/the-storm-clouds-gather.html

Tick Tock by Dean Koontz, A Review.

So it is time for another book review, after a long hiatus from reading, where I did not make time in my day to do so, I have started up again. And the first book in that list was Ticktock by Dean Koontz. I picked it up at the book store mid day, and by that evening I had read the book cover to cover. I absolutely not put the book down, to the point that I would get irritated when other people would interrupt and make me put it down. The book grabs you from the start and never lets go, never leaving you a spot that you would even think of being able to put it down and pick it up latter.

A North West View

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