I would like to start off by saying that I know with every fiber of my being that God is a part of my life and that he has never left my side and that he never will, of that I have no doubt.
I however wonder though what I have done to diserve to be made to be be gay, and that no amount of praying has or ever will change that. Leaving me to admit deffet and giving up on that change. A song played over the radio at work the other day, that reminded me of the time in my life when I finaly had to admit failure on my part on being able to change that part of me. To have to admit that I was not good enough to change that part of me. That no matter how much I tired and I prayed that I was just not good enogh to be able to change that. I often wounder what I did and what I have done to doserve to be made gay.
Then there is being made to be bipolar, what did I do to deserve this? To diserve to have a surious mental ilness that requires me to take medication for the rest of my life, or to if I don't to drive those around me away and hurt those that mean the most to me while my life goes out control. It seems that nothing I can do will change that, and I feel like there must be something that I have done on this world to diserve such a thing, and that it must be so bad that there is no way that I can ever be forgiven for it.
So I am left woundering what is it that I have done that is so bad, so absolutly wrong that I have been made the way that I have been made.