Skip to main content

I want to die

I really do want to die, rather then feel like I do now, to feel the most crushing pain, sorrow, hopelessness, guilt and absolute worthlessness.  With my mind raceing out of control, and the most conflicting needs to run and scream and do everything and anything possible, yet to also curl up in a ball, to disappear and to shut down completely.  I would rather overdose my way into a sleep I would never again wake from then to feel this way anymore!


  1. Ok, it sounds like you need to check to see if you've taken all your meds, and if so? You need to go back to the doctor to let him know that things are not working out well for you at the moment. Yes, it is that important! No, it's not running to the doctor for no good reason.

    And you are very right about our societies views on mental health. But honestly, what about our society isnt completely out of whack?

    I think you have hit the wall where hiding is hurting you. It's eating at you, and eroding your self worth. I look at it like coming out. If they can't accept you for who you are, then dump their bigoted asses at the curb, and go out and make some new friends!

    Walk tall, walk proud my friend. Don't let anyone knock you down.

  2. I don't take medications any more and have not for months,(nor do I go to a shrink) I stopped taking them because for one thing the blood work to insure I did not accidental overdose or destroy ether my kidneys or it was my liver (don't remember which) got to be to much for me to deal with (as I have a fear of blood needles and other people in control of sharp objects) not only that but the side affects where quite nasty and unpleasant, as well as it left me feeling like a drugged out zombie and not at all my self.

    I don't want to go back onto medications and really I see them as an absolut last resort that really I would rather be dead then be back on.

    I do how ever take vitamin D, a clinically proven helpful level of Omega 3, and daily multivitamin.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insight Into Myself From Article Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness

So I recently read this article on The Huffington Post Hightline called Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness this article is one that I would highly recommend reading.  It is an article that touched me in a significant way.  The article fouces on why even thought the gay community has come a long way in gaining equal rights, it still suffers from high rates of suicide, depression, anxiety and substance abuse.  The article points out that "are between 2 to 10 times more likely then straight people to take their own life. Where twice as likely to have a major depressive episode" And this pattern holds up in countries that where even early adopter to things like gay marriage.  While there virtually no study on the subject in the US in Canada it has been found that more gay men a year die from suicide them they do for HIV/AIDs if those finding are to hold true in the US suicide could be the next major epidemic with in the gay community taking countless number of lives…

When We Rise Review.

I know that I am late to the game on When We Rise on ABC, but I have just finished watching it on demand.  I would say if you have not watched it, it is a must watch.  The series is very well put together, and it gets you wrapped up in it from the very start, and you will want to binge watch the whole series in one sitting, This the cinematography in this series is first rate, and the use of music helps to increase the emotional impact of this series, I have to admit that I teared up multiple times through out the series, as you get so deeply engrossed in what is going on that emotionally you wined up placing yourself into what is going on.  While I wish that they had put in a few more things in the gay rights movement it really dose a very thorough job of showing the fight for equality.  More after the jump.

Looking Back On The Road Traveled

Looking Back On The Road Traveled

Reflecting on where you've been On the hours, days, feet, and miles that have come before Reflecting on the challenges and beauty that lay behind Reminding yourself of all the wonders that lie on the road ahead All the promises, joys, and beauty yet to be beheld In the hours, days, feet, and miles that lie ahead