Skip to main content

I want to die

I really do want to die, rather then feel like I do now, to feel the most crushing pain, sorrow, hopelessness, guilt and absolute worthlessness.  With my mind raceing out of control, and the most conflicting needs to run and scream and do everything and anything possible, yet to also curl up in a ball, to disappear and to shut down completely.  I would rather overdose my way into a sleep I would never again wake from then to feel this way anymore!


  1. Ok, it sounds like you need to check to see if you've taken all your meds, and if so? You need to go back to the doctor to let him know that things are not working out well for you at the moment. Yes, it is that important! No, it's not running to the doctor for no good reason.

    And you are very right about our societies views on mental health. But honestly, what about our society isnt completely out of whack?

    I think you have hit the wall where hiding is hurting you. It's eating at you, and eroding your self worth. I look at it like coming out. If they can't accept you for who you are, then dump their bigoted asses at the curb, and go out and make some new friends!

    Walk tall, walk proud my friend. Don't let anyone knock you down.

  2. I don't take medications any more and have not for months,(nor do I go to a shrink) I stopped taking them because for one thing the blood work to insure I did not accidental overdose or destroy ether my kidneys or it was my liver (don't remember which) got to be to much for me to deal with (as I have a fear of blood needles and other people in control of sharp objects) not only that but the side affects where quite nasty and unpleasant, as well as it left me feeling like a drugged out zombie and not at all my self.

    I don't want to go back onto medications and really I see them as an absolut last resort that really I would rather be dead then be back on.

    I do how ever take vitamin D, a clinically proven helpful level of Omega 3, and daily multivitamin.


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When The Wheels Come Flying Off The High

So how do you get to the point where the wheels are flying off the your manic high, especially when you are supposedly supposed to be educated on your disorder.  For me that is at once a complicated and in ways a simple question.  It is complicated because there are so many warning signs to be missed or to be shoved under the rug, and yet so simple because it is rooted in the fact that your brain is saying that everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about, when in fact if you value your mental stability and balance, like I do, there is very much to be worried about.  This is not just so abstract question that I ponder in my mind like an artifact displayed in a case at a museum, it is something that is a very real part of my life and something that I am living through at this very moment. 

Start The Journey

Life is something that one truly has no choice but to take part in, but life can also be an adventure if one chooses to make it one . 

Lesson Learned the Hard Way

I have a lesson that I have learned the hard way, I learned it with the loss of 12 years worth of my photography, with the only surviving work being the limited amount that I had curated and shared on my recently started Flickr page.  12 years worth of passion and work that I can never get back, and