Skip to main content

Disastrous Day

So today was not a good day at all, my sleep has been screwy for a little while now because work has been bouncing me all over the place, from opening to closing and back again.  Well last night I forgot on of my medications, which was not good.  I could not get to sleep, at like 2:30 I finally took a couple of ibuprofen PM's and finally got to sleep around 3:30 and was fitfully away around 5:00 and fully awake by 6:00 so I only got about 3 hours of sleep.  Which did me in, I started my day with anxiety through the roof.  I really should have just called into work, but I did not want to because I did not want to lose the hours and risk losing insurance coverage for the up coming month. So I went to work, and that did not turn out well at all as my anxiety did not go away and only got worse, and then on top of that I went from feeling I could do it and that things would turn out OK in the end, to starting to be really down and depressed, which only made things worse.  So about an hour and a half into my day I finally asked to go home early as I was doing so poorly.  My manager was not happy with that and wanted to know if I had something I could take for it, which I don't, and honestly the last thing I want is to have another pill added to what I already take. And then guilt tripped me about leaving.  Which did not help things at all, as it only made me feel even shittier, for needing to leave early.

I got home and immediately climbed into bed and sort of hugged my legs up into my chest and sat that way for a while, going through Facebook trying to distract myself from how I was feeling, and did that for a while before I curled up under my blankets and took a long nap.  I woke up feeling much less anxious, but still down.

At this point I have come down of of the anxiety but now I am feeling quite down, upset and weak. I hate feeling like this, and I hate that it is part of my life to have things like this happen to me.  It feels like I am constantly being tested, and I am so tired of being tested.  I just at this point hope that I pull out of the dumps and that it is not the start of any length of period in them. I know they say what dose not kill you only makes you stronger, but honestly right now I don't feel any stronger and if that was true I feel I should be able to bench press and auto dealership, but right now I don't even think I could do that to a leaf.

I hope that things get better but I just need to share this.
Until next time dear readers.

Comments

  1. if you have a smart phone set daily alarms to remind you to take your meds. you need to take them consistently for you to get maximum effect from them.

    hugs for a better tomorrow!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. i used to do that and it worked well, then they started jumping my schedule all over the place and I ran into trouble, it is very frustrating because that its self messes up my sleep quite a bit. Unfortunately there is not much I can do about it, but hang on for the ride and hope things don't get too fucked up.(which is disheartening)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

When The Wheels Come Flying Off The High

So how do you get to the point where the wheels are flying off the your manic high, especially when you are supposedly supposed to be educated on your disorder.  For me that is at once a complicated and in ways a simple question.  It is complicated because there are so many warning signs to be missed or to be shoved under the rug, and yet so simple because it is rooted in the fact that your brain is saying that everything is fine and there is nothing to worry about, when in fact if you value your mental stability and balance, like I do, there is very much to be worried about.  This is not just so abstract question that I ponder in my mind like an artifact displayed in a case at a museum, it is something that is a very real part of my life and something that I am living through at this very moment. 

Start The Journey

Life is something that one truly has no choice but to take part in, but life can also be an adventure if one chooses to make it one . 

Lesson Learned the Hard Way

I have a lesson that I have learned the hard way, I learned it with the loss of 12 years worth of my photography, with the only surviving work being the limited amount that I had curated and shared on my recently started Flickr page.  12 years worth of passion and work that I can never get back, and