Skip to main content

Disastrous Day

So today was not a good day at all, my sleep has been screwy for a little while now because work has been bouncing me all over the place, from opening to closing and back again.  Well last night I forgot on of my medications, which was not good.  I could not get to sleep, at like 2:30 I finally took a couple of ibuprofen PM's and finally got to sleep around 3:30 and was fitfully away around 5:00 and fully awake by 6:00 so I only got about 3 hours of sleep.  Which did me in, I started my day with anxiety through the roof.  I really should have just called into work, but I did not want to because I did not want to lose the hours and risk losing insurance coverage for the up coming month. So I went to work, and that did not turn out well at all as my anxiety did not go away and only got worse, and then on top of that I went from feeling I could do it and that things would turn out OK in the end, to starting to be really down and depressed, which only made things worse.  So about an hour and a half into my day I finally asked to go home early as I was doing so poorly.  My manager was not happy with that and wanted to know if I had something I could take for it, which I don't, and honestly the last thing I want is to have another pill added to what I already take. And then guilt tripped me about leaving.  Which did not help things at all, as it only made me feel even shittier, for needing to leave early.

I got home and immediately climbed into bed and sort of hugged my legs up into my chest and sat that way for a while, going through Facebook trying to distract myself from how I was feeling, and did that for a while before I curled up under my blankets and took a long nap.  I woke up feeling much less anxious, but still down.

At this point I have come down of of the anxiety but now I am feeling quite down, upset and weak. I hate feeling like this, and I hate that it is part of my life to have things like this happen to me.  It feels like I am constantly being tested, and I am so tired of being tested.  I just at this point hope that I pull out of the dumps and that it is not the start of any length of period in them. I know they say what dose not kill you only makes you stronger, but honestly right now I don't feel any stronger and if that was true I feel I should be able to bench press and auto dealership, but right now I don't even think I could do that to a leaf.

I hope that things get better but I just need to share this.
Until next time dear readers.
Labels:

Comments

  1. Biki HonkoJune 25, 2015 at 2:28 PM

    if you have a smart phone set daily alarms to remind you to take your meds. you need to take them consistently for you to get maximum effect from them.

    hugs for a better tomorrow!!!

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. aNorthWestViewJune 26, 2015 at 1:58 AM

      i used to do that and it worked well, then they started jumping my schedule all over the place and I ran into trouble, it is very frustrating because that its self messes up my sleep quite a bit. Unfortunately there is not much I can do about it, but hang on for the ride and hope things don't get too fucked up.(which is disheartening)

      Delete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things.  It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.
5 comments
Read more after the jump

Mental Health Awareness

As some of you may or may not know May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as such I thought I would write a blog post to try and help do my part to help raise awareness, and end the stigma of mental illness.  I also hope to show provide some hope in the process.  As many of you already know I have a mental illness, and that is Bipolar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with only relatively recently, about a year ago, although I have had it for a nice chunk of my life.  It is something that while I am still just in the beginning stages of starting to understand and control, I don't feel that it is something that I should have to be ashamed of or have to worry about others finding out about it.  unfortunately though there is quite a large amount of stigma that surrounds mental illness especially "serious mental illness", which they are for those that suffer from them (and those close to them as well)  unfortunately  though it also makes it sound scarier to those that do
5 comments
Read more after the jump

"You Have A Soft Homosexual Voice" Customer

Yes that was one of the things that a customer who took it upon them selves to "preach" to me during my job, while I was stuck helping cut his keys and find the other random items that he said he needed help finding.  Strangely this is not the first time I have attracted the type that decided to do some preaching to me to help "being me to Christ" while I'm on the job and their captive audience stuck helping do something for them, how ever this was one of the first times that I really had to bite my tongue to avoid saying or doing something that I would regret and that could get me in trouble with my bosses.
5 comments
Read more after the jump