Recently I lost a friend on Facebook, not the most spectacular loss because when we did not agree it was always my fault and his boyfriend played the attempt to belittle me game, all over attempting to point out to him that one of his post was not only a blatant insult to the spuriousness of assault against women but also a blatant example of male entitlement.
The post boiled down to "women's issues" movement was over blowing the problem of all sorts of assault to create a narrative where all men are evil and women are angles. (all in affect because it points out the pervasive problem in this country that is very much perpetrated by men) And that the media was part of what boiled down to a just about a conspiracy to perpetuate that narrative and victims men. He then went on to say in affect that women should never regard men or anything they say in a negative light, and that no matter what at all times they should trust men, regardless of any realities. All because he is "a good guy" so all women should treat him the way that he wants them to treat him. (he then went on to say that all women with kids should treat him with no worry/mistrust when he randomly comes up to their kids and starts talking to them. again all because he "is a good guy")
In hindsight not surprisingly at all he got quite upset when I tried to not only point out to him that the "narrative" that he was talking about was in fact the reality of things, and that nowhere in that "narrative" was it stated that men are evil, let alone was that the view that was being pushed by politicians (I mean look at the fact that many politicians voted against the "violence against women act" when it came up for renewal in 2013) let alone that the media is not part of a conspiracy to perpetuate the "narrative" that he talked about, matter of fact it is much more likely to focus on how unfair the consequences of rape are to those that committed it, while at the same time participating in the shaming of those that have stepped forward.
at which point he told me that I was not listening and did not get it and proceed to basically repeat his whole first post. So I again pointed out how the "narrative" that he pointed out is not the one that is one that he is insisting that it is, and again pointed out with sourced facts that the problem is very real and that there is a reason behind what it is he was saying was wrong. I also proceeded to point out how much of an exercise of male privilege it is to say that because he is a man and a "good guy" that women that don't know him from Adam should treat him like he is an angle that has come into his life and not treat him with any amount of wariness or take an office to anything that he might say to them because it is his right to not be treated that way. The idea that women should treat you one way because you say you are a good guy regardless of the reality that men even ones that might be considered good men at first blush are very capable and often assault women, and that it is very natural to be wary of the possibility of that happening. Let alone the fact for a parent that they should always trust a stranger that comes up to their child and starts talking to them, after all no one that came up to a child and seemed like a good guy has never done anything bad to a child.
At that point it was time for the boyfriend to come into the picture who them proceed to say that sourced facts and examples of why what they where saying fly's in the face of reality, he however was of the opinion that it was all straw man arguments and that it creates the problem of men being shot unjustly by women who use the "narrative" to feel threatened. Which is utterly ridiculous as their is no epidemic of women shooting men, especially over disagreements and then calming that they felt threatened which was the man aspect of his argument well other then his feeble attempts to belittle me and my point, I mean seriously if their is no other indication that you don't have an argument it is when you throw facts by the wayside create an imaginary problem and then belittle the person that pointed out that your argument is full of BS through reality and hard facts and examples of why it is. (a strategy not out of the ordinary for MR boyfriend who when he is out matched by facts then usually takes to belittling any minor spelling mistakes (something that I perfectly admit I commit) and minor grammatical errors) after which the OP then replied with his same old rehashed statement at the end of which he unfriended me, to which I was not disappointed at all, after all if he can't see his BS or even take the moment to listen to an argument against it and be introspective about it, especially on something so major. (and something that I feel is very important) Not to mention that everything in his life was a conspiracy against him and nothing had to do with his own actions and efforts, and choices.
To me it is disgusting that men think this way, and think that they are entitled to be treated how they want to be treated by women simply because that is what they want. Let alone that in the same breath they can say that women's issues are a conspiracy against men, that it is a conspiracy to make men look evil and give women excuses to "hate men". (something that sounds an awful lot like the anti feminism movements stalking points) The idea that by making the world more conscious and aware of the problems that women face, (and honestly those issues should be looked at as men's issues as men have to play an active roll in solving them) and that it takes away from men. I think that it is inexcusable for men to think that way, and that it is something that we as a society have to change. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it but I think one key step is to call out men who think that way every chance that you get and to try and show youth how wrong that view is.
The post boiled down to "women's issues" movement was over blowing the problem of all sorts of assault to create a narrative where all men are evil and women are angles. (all in affect because it points out the pervasive problem in this country that is very much perpetrated by men) And that the media was part of what boiled down to a just about a conspiracy to perpetuate that narrative and victims men. He then went on to say in affect that women should never regard men or anything they say in a negative light, and that no matter what at all times they should trust men, regardless of any realities. All because he is "a good guy" so all women should treat him the way that he wants them to treat him. (he then went on to say that all women with kids should treat him with no worry/mistrust when he randomly comes up to their kids and starts talking to them. again all because he "is a good guy")
In hindsight not surprisingly at all he got quite upset when I tried to not only point out to him that the "narrative" that he was talking about was in fact the reality of things, and that nowhere in that "narrative" was it stated that men are evil, let alone was that the view that was being pushed by politicians (I mean look at the fact that many politicians voted against the "violence against women act" when it came up for renewal in 2013) let alone that the media is not part of a conspiracy to perpetuate the "narrative" that he talked about, matter of fact it is much more likely to focus on how unfair the consequences of rape are to those that committed it, while at the same time participating in the shaming of those that have stepped forward.
at which point he told me that I was not listening and did not get it and proceed to basically repeat his whole first post. So I again pointed out how the "narrative" that he pointed out is not the one that is one that he is insisting that it is, and again pointed out with sourced facts that the problem is very real and that there is a reason behind what it is he was saying was wrong. I also proceeded to point out how much of an exercise of male privilege it is to say that because he is a man and a "good guy" that women that don't know him from Adam should treat him like he is an angle that has come into his life and not treat him with any amount of wariness or take an office to anything that he might say to them because it is his right to not be treated that way. The idea that women should treat you one way because you say you are a good guy regardless of the reality that men even ones that might be considered good men at first blush are very capable and often assault women, and that it is very natural to be wary of the possibility of that happening. Let alone the fact for a parent that they should always trust a stranger that comes up to their child and starts talking to them, after all no one that came up to a child and seemed like a good guy has never done anything bad to a child.
At that point it was time for the boyfriend to come into the picture who them proceed to say that sourced facts and examples of why what they where saying fly's in the face of reality, he however was of the opinion that it was all straw man arguments and that it creates the problem of men being shot unjustly by women who use the "narrative" to feel threatened. Which is utterly ridiculous as their is no epidemic of women shooting men, especially over disagreements and then calming that they felt threatened which was the man aspect of his argument well other then his feeble attempts to belittle me and my point, I mean seriously if their is no other indication that you don't have an argument it is when you throw facts by the wayside create an imaginary problem and then belittle the person that pointed out that your argument is full of BS through reality and hard facts and examples of why it is. (a strategy not out of the ordinary for MR boyfriend who when he is out matched by facts then usually takes to belittling any minor spelling mistakes (something that I perfectly admit I commit) and minor grammatical errors) after which the OP then replied with his same old rehashed statement at the end of which he unfriended me, to which I was not disappointed at all, after all if he can't see his BS or even take the moment to listen to an argument against it and be introspective about it, especially on something so major. (and something that I feel is very important) Not to mention that everything in his life was a conspiracy against him and nothing had to do with his own actions and efforts, and choices.
To me it is disgusting that men think this way, and think that they are entitled to be treated how they want to be treated by women simply because that is what they want. Let alone that in the same breath they can say that women's issues are a conspiracy against men, that it is a conspiracy to make men look evil and give women excuses to "hate men". (something that sounds an awful lot like the anti feminism movements stalking points) The idea that by making the world more conscious and aware of the problems that women face, (and honestly those issues should be looked at as men's issues as men have to play an active roll in solving them) and that it takes away from men. I think that it is inexcusable for men to think that way, and that it is something that we as a society have to change. I'm not sure exactly how to go about it but I think one key step is to call out men who think that way every chance that you get and to try and show youth how wrong that view is.
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