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Free Falling Into The Darkness


I am sorry for the lack of posting lately, as I think I mentioned in my last post I am slipping sliding free falling into another depression, which in part means I am pretty withdrawn from the world. I mean even with going to work, I may be out of the house (even though it is really the last thing I want to be) but I am just going threw the motions with a fake mask of if not happiness (as I am all to aware that said mask sometimes fails) of at least thing being all ok and good over all, even though in reality they are not.  How ever underneath that mask I am more detached from everything that is going on around me and even any conversation I may (or may not be
having) as for it to seem to be going on in a separate world one that dose not really pierce into the one that I occupy, it feels the best I can manage to put it like you are almost dead like one is caught in between the world of the living and the world of the dead, but you are more dead then alive. Not only that but I also no longer really fallow anything let alone news and politics, as it all just seems pointless and even though when the times are good it is a passion of mine, like everything now it brings no joy into my life, and I simply no longer have the emotional or mental energy let alone will to devote any time to it. Even my YouTube subscriptions go pretty much unfollowed, as to watch them just consumes energy that I no longer posses, and they almost never bring any joy or light into my life, and if they due it is a torturous one that simply shows that what is no longer a part of my existence.  

What all of this means is that I don't have any of the sorts of drive and inspirations to write about important events, activism or even social issues at all.  Instead all I am left with if anything at all is  relatively dark and unpleasantness that populates my existence, my mind and my soul, and is not something I think that any of you would really understand let alone want to hear about, so instead I don't blog. I don't want to be a appointment's to my followers but I also can't promise the sort of blogs that you guys want or would want to read.  As much as I wish that I could promise that I will come up with something or that I will be back at it soon but I can't, as when I have to struggle to find the energy to find the will to keep living, I simply can't promise anything to any one as I don't even know that I will be able to keep it. 

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