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If Know Is Half The Battle, I Don't Even Want To Know

I really do wish that I did not have to deal with my mind or my emotions, that I could just simply switch them off, and make them go away. I don't want to deal with them I don't want to think about them I most definitely don't want to record them and then relive them at any point in the future let alone have some one else drag me threw them again. I think I would settle with being drugged out of my mind, if I could still live with the side effects and never have to deal with the torture chamber that can be my mind and my emotions.

To not have to deal with no one else understanding what is going on with me, to not understand that what they think is the problem is not. Yet at the same time not be able to deal with even thinking about let alone actually telling them what the real issues are, while being unable unwilling afraid to do that, then having to be confronted by the demons that are my fears, to then have to try to shake those off again, and again, and again. To have to try to shove them back into their dark corners where they can't be seen.
I don't want to go threw a process that makes me have to examine these things, to have to record them and then to have to relive them to have to share them with someone else even if that some one else is my shrink. I don't like the prospect of opening a possible pandora's box when I don't know how to close it and when it already takes so much effort to deal with the things that I can't shove into that pandora's box to begin with.

if as aparently the saying gose "knowing is half the battle" I don't even want to make it to that part of the battle, in that case I DON'T WANT TO KNOW anything. As a matter of fact I wish that right at this moment I could flip the switch and not have to feel any emotions to silence my mind and cleans my soul, to put me at a perfect peace.


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