Skip to main content

If Know Is Half The Battle, I Don't Even Want To Know

I really do wish that I did not have to deal with my mind or my emotions, that I could just simply switch them off, and make them go away. I don't want to deal with them I don't want to think about them I most definitely don't want to record them and then relive them at any point in the future let alone have some one else drag me threw them again. I think I would settle with being drugged out of my mind, if I could still live with the side effects and never have to deal with the torture chamber that can be my mind and my emotions.

To not have to deal with no one else understanding what is going on with me, to not understand that what they think is the problem is not. Yet at the same time not be able to deal with even thinking about let alone actually telling them what the real issues are, while being unable unwilling afraid to do that, then having to be confronted by the demons that are my fears, to then have to try to shake those off again, and again, and again. To have to try to shove them back into their dark corners where they can't be seen.
I don't want to go threw a process that makes me have to examine these things, to have to record them and then to have to relive them to have to share them with someone else even if that some one else is my shrink. I don't like the prospect of opening a possible pandora's box when I don't know how to close it and when it already takes so much effort to deal with the things that I can't shove into that pandora's box to begin with.

if as aparently the saying gose "knowing is half the battle" I don't even want to make it to that part of the battle, in that case I DON'T WANT TO KNOW anything. As a matter of fact I wish that right at this moment I could flip the switch and not have to feel any emotions to silence my mind and cleans my soul, to put me at a perfect peace.


Popular posts from this blog

Insight Into Myself From Article Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness

So I recently read this article on The Huffington Post Hightline called Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness this article is one that I would highly recommend reading.  It is an article that touched me in a significant way.  The article fouces on why even thought the gay community has come a long way in gaining equal rights, it still suffers from high rates of suicide, depression, anxiety and substance abuse.  The article points out that "are between 2 to 10 times more likely then straight people to take their own life. Where twice as likely to have a major depressive episode" And this pattern holds up in countries that where even early adopter to things like gay marriage.  While there virtually no study on the subject in the US in Canada it has been found that more gay men a year die from suicide them they do for HIV/AIDs if those finding are to hold true in the US suicide could be the next major epidemic with in the gay community taking countless number of lives…

When We Rise Review.

I know that I am late to the game on When We Rise on ABC, but I have just finished watching it on demand.  I would say if you have not watched it, it is a must watch.  The series is very well put together, and it gets you wrapped up in it from the very start, and you will want to binge watch the whole series in one sitting, This the cinematography in this series is first rate, and the use of music helps to increase the emotional impact of this series, I have to admit that I teared up multiple times through out the series, as you get so deeply engrossed in what is going on that emotionally you wined up placing yourself into what is going on.  While I wish that they had put in a few more things in the gay rights movement it really dose a very thorough job of showing the fight for equality.  More after the jump.

Proud To Be: why i'm proud to be the man that I am.

So You Tube has created a hash tag to help celebrate pride month (especially in the wake of Orlando), I thought that I would do a blog post in the spirit of the prompt as I have not had time to make a video, and I am not sure when or if I will.  However I still want to show my pride, not just as a gay man but as a person in general, as I think that all of myself sort of melds together.