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To Gay/ Not Gay Enough, What's The Deal?

This seems to happen a lot, even with in the gay community, others are judged on if they are the right kind of gay.  It's bad enough that those outside of the community insist on having a say on if one is gay enough, but them those inside have to as well.  For me I seem to fall in that strange middle ground at times, from those outside of the gay community IE straight people seem to know that I'm gay and I have been told by coworkers that even before I confirmed it to them, that I was pretty obvious and they spotted it from like a mile away.  But when it comes to other inside of the community I seem to be viewed as ether not gay enough, or trying to be "heteronormative" simply for being who I am.  It is a spot that I do find to be a little frustrating at times as no one like to really be analyzed in such a way let alone to be the odd man out, as it seems like their is a very set standard on what one must be in order to actually be a correct gay.

Unfortunately it dose not seem to matter that one be them selves to actually be a good member of the community just that they fit into so many proper check boxes, and if you don't then there is some how something wrong with you.  I can easily say that I know I don't fit so well into all of those check boxes just like I don't fit in many of the check boxes for the generation I belong to.  Instead I seem to fit on the outside of many of both list of check boxes.  I don't drive a "gay' car, instead I drive an AWD Dodge Caliber R/T which is anything but your gay car, but it is the car that I wanted and that fits my personality very well.  It is a car whose styling I really like and I liked the fact that it looks big and masculine while still returning me nice MPG.  I also really like full size pickup trucks and if fuel cost was no object I would own a Dodge Ram in a hart beat.  I honestly don't get how a car can be gay or not, the owners can be but the car is simply a sexless and orientations object.

My music collection also dose not tidally fit in with that of being a "good gay man" because It dose not fit into the stereotype of what someone with my orientation should be listening to.  I am not the biggest fan or many pop artist let alone of "club" music, instead my music collection consist of a lot of classic rock form the 60's-80's and then rock from the late 90's on, it also has a very large chunk of country music from artist from the late 90's threw the present.  I am much more likely to be listing to a country radio station in my car then to the station that plays the top 20 pop songs of the week.  Although all around country music seems to be despised for no particular reason by not only the gay community but by my generation as a whole too, even though country music seems to have much more in common with every day life then pop music.  

Then their is the idea that to be a good gay you need to be ever in style with what you wear and that to not be up on what the latest styles are and to have a closet filled with them is to not actually be gay.  I am the first to admit I don't give a rat's behind about what the latest fashion trends are, instead I would rather wear cloths that are comfortable and that I feel I look good in regardless if they are the latest things or not.  I don't dress like I am going to some sort of fashion shoot I also don't dress in the oversized baggy gangster style that seems to be so popular with those my age as well.  I don't see why one must be on top of the latest style trends to be considered gay enough for some. 

Because of these thing I often do feel quite the odd man out when it comes to fitting in because, not only do I not fit into the mold of the generation that I belong to, but actively dislike that mold, I also don't fit into the mold for being gay ether.  But I don't know that I would want to fit into ether mold because to fit into it I would have to untrue to who I am.


  1. Ahh, yeah who makes up all these stupid rules anyway? I mean really, a gay car? Pfft! Thats just ridiculous.

    Walking around in trendy clothing is just a waste of money. Because in 6 months all your stuff is out of fashion. Stupid deluxe.

    Music? What is up with all the dance, female pop stars being followed so closely by most gays? I cant stand dance music, and pop? SHUDDER! I despise pop! Dregs of the music world if ya ask me. Of course having said that, Im not a fan of county either. Why? Cause Im mostly a metal head, or jrock. Jrock is japanese rock, mostly visual kai stuff. If your curious about what im talking about, head on over to youtube and look for The Gazette, and Miyavi, two of my favs. I have others but those two are the best.

    And if you talk about not fitting in a mold? Yeah try being me for a day. I dont fit in any where at all, whats so ever. But im learning to love it, and live it.

    hugs and smiles hope today was better for you.

  2. I don't think I could handle being you for a day, I'm still struggling to handle being me for a day most days.

    Is it sad when its easier to understand your insurance statements (which I swear are designed to be confusing) better then you understand your self?


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