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Time To Start A New Chapter

After a series of long talks with a friend today much light has finally been shed on what has ultimately been causing me so much trouble, along with the fact that with out making changes to how I am living and my ways of thought, the problems would not only fail to resolve them selves but that they will in fact only get worse as they drag on.  It is with this knowledge and in the spirit of wanting to improve my life that I declare that it is time for me to start a new chapter, to do my best to wipe the slate clean and start afresh.

It has become painfully clear that not only am I holding my self to a much higher standard on how I need to act, behave and conduct my self and life, then I do others, but also I am holding my self to an unattainable high "moral" standard that is even higher then what I hold others to and what I think is actually right and wrong when it becomes to others.  I have come to the conclusion that I can no longer hold my self to a standard where I behave in a way that allows other to take advantage of me and that requires me to not look out at all for what is in my best interest and for my self in situations as well as still doing what I can to help others, because I can't actually help others if I myself am on the Virge of breakdowns and being over stressed because of it. I can't hold my self to a standard of how to conduct my life when that standard dose not fit the realities of my life and prevents me from conducting my life in the way that I wish to, when the way that I wish to do so dose not do harm to others or my self but when not living my life the way that I want to actively cause harm to my mental and thus physical well being as well.   I need to also stop holding my self to a moral standard that is higher and illogically based on things that I don't even believe are true or reasonable let alone use when it comes to my views of the world out side of me, instead I need to stop worrying about the arbitrary of most morals and instead focus on applying the value of doing right to and by others, treating them with respect, equality, love and doing no harm to others (and my self), and if it dose not violate those key tenants of morality then it is not wrong.  I know to some that may seem lacks but I have come to the conclusion that much of what is said to be morally wrong or right is arbitrary and more to do with trying to control the behavior of others then with what is about spreading love and treating others as you wish to be treated your self.

I know that this is going to take a lot of effort and work at times, but I also know that in reality no one lives up or even comes close to the standards that I was trying to hold my self to, and that continuing to hold my self to them is not going to be good for me.  I have realized that the whole point of "standards" is something that one can strive to achieve and actually achieve and that me holding my self other standards is not actually holding my self to standers but ideals, and ideals are good ideas to strive towards at times but not always. They are good if they are something that you can grow towards and slowly achieve, they are bad when they are something that you can't and will not ever be able to grow towards.  I also realize that I can't base what is right for me and what is morally acceptable to me based on what others think or might think about it, but that ultimately it is between me those that I chose to share my life with, and my Creator what is right and what is wrong.  I realize that it dose not matter what others think of me as long as I have done what I can to treat them right and I feel good about my self and what I have done, if they don't like me then it is not my problem it is theirs and it is their loss, not only that but that when others are nasty to me for no comprehensible reason that it dose not say anything about me but it says that about them.  Now that this is so clear and I have come to these realizations, I hope and will strive to start putting them into action, in order to better my self, and my life.  I feel like doing these things will not only make me a happier person but also a more confident person as well.


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