Skip to main content

One Ending, Time For A New Beginning

As some of my close friends, and coworkers know, the day before valentine's day was not exactly the best day it could have been, instead it marked one more time, in a string of times that one of my relationships had come to an end with me being dumped painfully out of the blue, leaving me emotionally destroyed like a ship smashed aground on the sharp rock of some sea side cliff.  This being a territory that is not at all unknown to me as only on one occasion has a relationship of mine ended where I have not been dumped by the guy that I was seeing. 

Now as much as I would like to pretend, being dumped especially so suddenly and unexpectedly is not nor has never been something easy for me to handle, and normally takes me quite some time to mend the broken pieces from. It especially dose not help when the person doing the dumping dose it in quite a painful way or as in this case one that hurts is a surprise and plays on and mater of fact uses an existing insecurity that came about with the demise of my very first relationship.  In this case being going from things being all fine to all of a sudden no longer communicating with me and then in this case unfriending me on Facebook.  This would still have hurt and been bad but what makes it all that much worse is that, I had trusted this guy and told him about said insecurity that I has worked on and that it had been caused when my very first boyfriend broke up with me by stopping taking my calls text, and emails and unfriending my on myspace. (yeah way back when that was the it social network) So definitely this dose not help my insecurity I feel when people I'm close to suddenly fall out of contact. 

I am also once again left having had one door closed pondering what my next steps will be and which of the doors before me I should step threw.  I have also been left with some seeds planted in my mind from some good friends that I should really take the time to be out of the dating scene to figure out why not only am I constantly winding up with relationships like this, as well as to figure out why I am getting hurt so badly when they end when in reality they are at points where I should be able to just pick my self up and dust my self off leaving me ready to keep up the search of the person that will treasure me like I treasure them. 

I have also been left by one friend with the seed of a thought of, what is it that I seem to be missing in my life and my self right now that I am trying to fill when I allow my self to be pulled into relationships so quickly and deeply,  and what is it that I have to do to fill this need my self, not only so that I don't jump into relationships that are not going to go any where but also so that I don't keep jumping into ones that are only going to hurt me any way. 

It is at this cross roads that I am standing right now, unsure of exactly what the right path is, but still quite sure that it is the one that dose not involve dating for as long as it takes me to at least put these matters to rest in my mind, If not fully understand them and correct the under lying issues.  I am still toying with buying the book "He Is Just Not That Into You" as one of my friends suggested, as it dose seem in hind sight that, that could be one of my recurring problems.  I have also been thinking that maybe I should look into so more "gay" specific relationship advice, along with trying to figure out how to go about uncovering the issues that have me simply jumping at most any relationship where they guy shows affection towards me, as obviously that is not working out quite as well as would be hoped.

I know it has been a while since my last post, and I would like to say that I do value those that fallow my post as well as any comments and or feedback that you may have.  have a good day, and I hope to be posting more here as I have a couple pet issues I fallow as well as I follow my path to my new beginning.

Comments

  1. I think taking time off from dating is most needed when you're in this pattern of pain. Be single, learn to love being single, enjoy life, grow, love yourself, do the things you wanna do.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Insight Into Myself From Article Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness

So I recently read this article on The Huffington Post Hightline called Together Alone: The Epidemic Of Gay Loneliness this article is one that I would highly recommend reading.  It is an article that touched me in a significant way.  The article fouces on why even thought the gay community has come a long way in gaining equal rights, it still suffers from high rates of suicide, depression, anxiety and substance abuse.  The article points out that "are between 2 to 10 times more likely then straight people to take their own life. Where twice as likely to have a major depressive episode" And this pattern holds up in countries that where even early adopter to things like gay marriage.  While there virtually no study on the subject in the US in Canada it has been found that more gay men a year die from suicide them they do for HIV/AIDs if those finding are to hold true in the US suicide could be the next major epidemic with in the gay community taking countless number of lives…

This I Believe: God Is Still There Even When You Want To Die

I would like to share my This I Believe essay that I wrote for my English class.  The essay is based on the format of the essays on the this i believe  web site, which is dedicated to this types of essays.  They are modeled after a 1950's radio show hosted by Edward R Murrow by the same name, where every one from World leaders, CEO's and Celebrities to Teachers, and Secretaries would send in essays and the ones that where selected would read them on air.  The essays are between 450 to 600 worlds long and would take about 3 minutes to read aloud at a natural speaking pace. The essays are about a guiding value in your every day life.

When We Rise Review.

I know that I am late to the game on When We Rise on ABC, but I have just finished watching it on demand.  I would say if you have not watched it, it is a must watch.  The series is very well put together, and it gets you wrapped up in it from the very start, and you will want to binge watch the whole series in one sitting, This the cinematography in this series is first rate, and the use of music helps to increase the emotional impact of this series, I have to admit that I teared up multiple times through out the series, as you get so deeply engrossed in what is going on that emotionally you wined up placing yourself into what is going on.  While I wish that they had put in a few more things in the gay rights movement it really dose a very thorough job of showing the fight for equality.  More after the jump.