When I talk about relationships in the context of this blog I mean boyfriends (or girlfriends) as obviously that is a very different kind of relationship then with any of the other people in your life. It is this that has got me thinking in part because of not only some of my own strong convictions, from the conventions of other commenter's on the blog and others as well as some of my very best friends most sincere advice of recent that all seem to clash and mingle with one another. The one thing that the seem to be able to agree on is that the relationship with ones partner is one of the most important relationships that there is, and that once should always be proud of who they are and the person whom they love, and support. It's after that however where things start to quickly brake down between the two of us.
This breakdown is and fracture is caused by a totally different view of what one should expect to get out of a partner, and what kind of place they them selves should be in before they even try to bring someone else into their lives in the dating kind of way. The problem is my friend seems to be throwing getting into a relationship with some one as a solution to my "mental health" problems when it clearly is not. Like one of my friends statements which I always hate, is that you can find some one that "completes you" and that being with all the time makes you happy and you can do everything together. I have never thought that was a good idea not just because I feel that is wold be selfish on my part to do so but because I know I would not want to be with the person that need some one like that. Not only that, I don't want to have to depend on another person be the glue that deals with my personal "demons" that is something that I should be dealing with not needing to have the support of my partner being available at my beck and call 24/7/365. To me that is not only unfair to them, it's also unfair to me because it sets up a dependency situation where if I could not get hold of them then things could spiral way out of control which would be very dangerous.
Then we get into the much larger disagreement on why I am not even bothering to look at dating right now and that is my responsibility to be a "good place" where I'm able to date. This is where we truly disagree the most on, and that is that my friend dose not think that it is really necessary the have ones self in my case at least in a place where I'm mentally stable enough that with in the week let alone same day at times they don't go from being an a genuinely great, optimistic, just spectacular mood to being so depressed that I only thing that actually keeps you from killing myself is the fear of what happens if I false and get sent to a hospital for treatment. Which causes me to honestly pull away from every one in my life around my, not to mention the general instability of my moods and emotions causes me to become quite defensive and lash out at those who you feel are getting to close, asking to many questions or just say something wrong and I don't know what it is. How ever, even when things are great if they don't go my way or if things start to go wrong I start to lose my temper and those around me are the ones that suffer, it can be as simple as missing a turn and having the person in the car ask if that was the street we wanted and next thing you know I'm shouting at them about how I'm the one driving the Fing car and they can shut up until they are behind the wheel, and then feeling guilty at them but wanting to yell at them more because of it. This is something that my friend knows about these are things my friend god bless them has experienced but still dose not think is something that I have to have totally under control and dealt with first before I even try to bring anther person into the picture.
Then there is the fact that in reality unlike the straight community there is a limited dating pool, especially when you get into smaller sized cities (like the one I live in) so it is even worse to risk jumping into the dating pool when you are not fit to be in it then in the straight community because its much easier for word to spread that you are a crazy nut job who is definitely not worth the effort of dating, after all it only takes a look at a social net work sight or as cliche as it sounds listen to any conversation in a smaller city (or town/area) and it becomes clear the almost every knows every one some how and world will eventually spread. Then you will become the "undateable one" even once you do have things dealt with.
My friend gets frustrated with me because they fell that in part I'm coming up with excuses to avoid dating altogether, as well as says that they think that my not wanting to date till I have my self in order and my issues under control is an attempt to lie to any one that I am going to be dating, where as dating them right now, when I'm not even in a position that I would wish on any one else to want live as it so unstable, that would be telling them the truth and is the only right way to go. I know that when I date at some point in a serious relationship the person is going to have to find out about these things, but I don't think that it's lying to someone to date them when you your self are mentally and emotionally in a way that's stable and most safe and productive to that to you, its only lying to not tell them about the condition should things become serious to the point where they should know about it. When that point is I don't quite know but I think that is a topic for another day.
Thank you to all my followers for the support and for understanding the long disappearance that I have taken from posting, I really do hope to be back to posting daily even if it is just some small little post as I try slowly ease my way back into flowing so much news and just general information I should hopefully have more commentary to post about.
As always feed back is welcome and very much appreciated, have a great day :-)
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