Unfortunately nothing seems to be working at the moment and I really don't know what to do, as I don't really think that I am up to making the options that I have actually work. As the main option that is being pushed the hardest, other then trying to find the right medication/combination of medications is that of therapy to help me some how I don't know dissect this thing to an extent and deal with it, but that is an option that I really don't feel that I can do or an up to. I really don't feel at all remotely comfortable sharing face to face with some stranger the sort of personal information that would be needed in order to actually hopefully maybe possibly get something out of it. Even though I can share here I know strange, but its some how so very different than face to face with some strange person.
I feel that there is very little hope that much is going to change for the better, and I also would like to basically give up on the medication side of things too. I really don't have much faith in them any more, not to mention that I am tired of side effects and would like to be able to go back to not having any and to being able to have a drink if I wanted to instead of not being able to at all. How ever I also know that quiting trying to do anything with medication is not going to make anything better, and that especially given my current work schedule it only risk things very badly, but I so just want to just stop it with them, and stop with the experience.
Then there is the fact that my body is so very at odds with my work schedule as to be almost "toxic" and given the well givens of what my "issue" is my work shift is the most "toxic" shift I could be working. My body wants to be on pretty much the total opist sleep wake sculled as that from which I work, this I know creates a lot of issues that only make things that much more worse. Now how ever this is where we throw in the great catch 22, I am for in reality for all intensive purposes stuck on this shift, and even if I could get off of it in doing so I would lose the amount of hours needed to qualify for insurance to actually help me treat and deal with my issue. Yet to get enough hours to maintain insurance coverage I am stuck on the sift that is so utterly "toxic" for the "issue" that it so clearly forced to the surface to the point that it finally got picked up on and well not worked on being treated. Then I know there is stress, which comes from all of these sources. The stress that probably is not helped by the fact that I have not taken a vacation since 2007.
At this point I realy don't know what to do, I keep trying to wrap my head around the situation but it seems that no matter what way I try to it just dose not work. I just can't seem to find a right path or at least on that dose not creat some sort of giant cascadeing problem in another area that threatens to undo other things and thus only make everything else worse in the long run too.
As always thank you for reading, and comments and feed back are always walcome. :-)