Skip to main content

A Snapshot Of my Soul

So today's post is going to be just very brief as I should be trying to get to bed (although I don't know how successful that is going to be) but I think for today I'm just going to try to capture a quick "snapshot" of my soul, so hear goes  nothing, ironically at the moment quite the appropriate line as for as many things that seem to be running threw my head and as freaking restless as I seem to be I am also overpowered by the feeling of not caring about anything let alone caring about my self or anything that happens to me or about my life or living it in general. Yet I still fined that just about everything even just the simple act of writing this to be just about emotionally overwhelming yet not writing it is just about as emotionally overwhelming too.
I just feel that I have so many things at times to get out but then I also at the same time now don't care I don't feel that they are worth anything let alone that I'm worth a damn thing, I feel like a broken item that just needs to be tossed out but that no one has yet had the decency to actually toss in the trash.  I that things where different, I wish that I where not me I wish that I could get off of this ride, i hate this ride, with emotional states that no one understands,  I hate people asking how I am and then not understanding,  when I tell them.    I want to flee I want to be busy and I want to disappear and to a black hole at the same time, I feel like crying yet can't. I just wish it would all end, I wish that this ride would end, I am so tired of it, I am tired of it, I know it will pass to another emotional state for a while god only know how long but I don't think this ride is ever going to end any more, I really don't.  I think I am going to be stuck on it until I finally lose it, because I know way deep down its only a matter of time no matter how much I don't want it to be. 

I have to go, sorry about this post, as always thank you and comments are welcome.

Comments

Popular posts from this blog

Word Verification.

As some of you will soon start noticing I have started to use word verification in order for comments to be posted, unfortunately I had a spat of spam comments occur and I don't want to have to waist my time removing spam comments. So to help and combat the problem I have been forced to intorduce word verification into the commenting procsses.  I hope that doing so dose not discurage you guys (my readers) from posting your comments as I truly do value getting to hear your prospectives on things and talk with all of you. Untill next time dear readers. 

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things.  It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.

Financially Incapable, Money Is The Problem

Being able to control one’s own finances is one of the important parts of being able to be a independent adult, and is something that is supposed to come along with being one as well.  It means being able to live within a budget and spending one's money wisely within that budget.  It also means having a realistic idea about what your income is and how much money you have to spend and being able to weigh that against financial decisions and the merits of purchases that one wishes to make keeping in mind the required purchase that one has to make and the cost of them.   Which is why the realization that I seem to be utterly incapable of controlling my finances is coming as such a blow,