So mom has always been supportive, ever since the day that I came out to her. However it seems that the more supportive, comfortable and mater of a fact with the fact that I'm gay the more and more uncomfortable and borderline shameful I seem to feel about it. Especially as she more and more often will talk to me about when I meet guys and start seeing them they are welcome to family gathering and such and that she would honestly expect me to invite them to participate in such things just as she would and dose my brother of the girls he dates. Which on one had is yes very good and faltering, and well seeing as I'm much more family oriented them my brother, and tend to arrange my social scheduled to make family gatherings it is also an affirmation that things are also still the same as they where before I came out. How ever like I said I don't know why but this makes be feel very comfortable as I feel like it is something that I should not do, like it some how including someone that I am dating because they are a guy in any sort of family gathering would be highly inappropriate. It's as somehow I feel that for me to actually do as she says that she would be very happy and wish to see me do would not only bring shame on the the family but would only serve to highlight how much of a horrible person I am.
I have a hard time understanding why I don't feel as good about mom honest support as I really should, especially considering the fact that dad even thought the fact that our relationship is much better now then when I first came out to him. Even thought this still leaves a lot when it comes to the levels of support, as he still dose not really acknowledge the fact that I'm gay let alone approach the subject with such comfort as mom when/if it somehow comes up. however that is beyond the point, other then the fact that at least when it comes to that relationship I can understand why those feeling are there, unlike with moms, which no matter how much I try I can't seem to get.
One again thank you for reading, and comments are always welcome. :-)