I did not quite realize how much I did this until yesterday when I was talking with my best friend, who had asked me about what I ideally wanted out of my "love life" and she would actually sort of correct my veg sexless language. I also never quite realized how much in public that when I would use words that gave away that I was talking about the same sex I would just about drop down to a whisper, as if to hide some top secret, nor how irritated and snippy I got with others when they would talk openly to me the "out gay guy" in a normal volume using words like boyfriend, husbands, him etc as I just about bit her head off telling her the she was speaking to loudly several times because I did not want those around use to hear what she was saying.
The hardest part twisting my mind around is that, that is the silliest thing to get upset and uncomfortable about. They are words, words being used in a conversation between my friend, who knows that I'm gay and I, yet I don't like using the perfectly correct and much more appropriate and descriptive worlds. Not to mention that I don't feel comfortable talking in a normal voice, which also is so absurdly silly, as its not like whispering will make it that much harder for any one that intend on eavesdropping. It makes no logical since to behave that way, which is why it so surprised me that I behaved that way so much.