All Graveyards & No play Makes Me A Dull Boy

Ok so from politics back to me, because well I don't feel like talking about politics today but I do feel like talking about me. So at the moment and for the last 6 months I have been stuck working grave yards at work, which for me is 10pm till 6:30am. Unfortunately I did not wind up on this shift because I particularly wanted it, I wound up on it because at the time I was told point blank you can ether switch from your current switch (which had been closings 2pm-11pm) and be granted at least 24 hours a week, which is the minimum to qualify for insurance or you can keep your current shift/full daytime availability and not be guarantied any hours at all, and thus no insurance. Obviously I made the decision to switch, to only find out that basically what had been presented me was not the reality of the situation as there are still enough hours during the day and hours getting cut from grave yards to cover day for minims to maintaining peoples insurance coverage. Unfortunately this schedule has not helped my quality of life, nor my happiness with my life out at all.

Unfortunately since I have started this shift it has obviously created a situation where my wake sleep schedule is so opposite of every thing that my whole life now is basically work, and that is about the extent of it. As now I wake up at 8pm to start my day to start getting ready to work, (to get breakfast, make lunch for when I'm at work) then work, I then go to bed at around 2 in the afternoon. Which means socially by the time any friends are up and actually ready to do things I only have a few hours before I have to be going to bed so that I am rested to go to work. The reality of the schedule also means that by the time that most of the year even now that it's finally light enough to just go outside and enjoy a park or something even by your self, I don't have much time before I have to be going to be, so as a consequence I wind up spending most every day after work a shut in in my own house. Where as before when I worked during the day whether it be openings closing or midis I would and did do things and go out before or after work because, socially people where up and available and places where open, and the sun was out! Now even on my days off I don't get out, hardly at all as in order to keep from getting screwed up on my sleep wake cycle severely (which dose not help my mood disorder) I have to keep my same sleep schedule, so I wind up spending my days off alone up all night with nothing to do stuck at home, then with a short few hour window during the day when if I'm lucky one of my friends might be available to do something.

It's to the point that I will get dressed in my nice not work cloths and watch and that then do up my hair and seriously think "whats the point no ones going to see me" and if they do its the last 4 hours of my day so its like "yeah my hair and cloths may be nice but I have bags under my eyes I'm white as a sheet of pater cause I don't get any sun anymore, so what kind of impressions is that" but most of all it dose not really matter as I don't get to get out and have any fun, I have not been to a movie in forever because last time I went to see one it was the first showing of the day and when it got out it was 2 hours past when I needed to get to sleep to keep myself on a steady sleep schedule, And to be honest I don't like to go place alone at night so I have not bothered to try to go see a late night showing of a move not that the options where I live are particularly large. It has gotten to the point that this shift not the work (I love the work, I love working hard, and I love the people I work with) but the shift have me on the verge of burning out because, I can't get the balance outside of work in.

That is why when I heard there was a potion opening in another department for a closer/mids day shift I applied for it, and cross my fingers I hope to get it, as I know I can do very well at it, as I love the hard work and I so miss helping the customers too. Not to mention being back onto such normal shifts will be so much better for me too!

The Temptation Of The High

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things. It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.

Mental Health Awareness

As some of you may or may not know May is Mental Health Awareness Month, and as such I thought I would write a blog post to try and help do my part to help raise awareness, and end the stigma of mental illness. I also hope to show provide some hope in the process. As many of you already know I have a mental illness, and that is Bipolar Disorder, which I was diagnosed with only relatively recently, about a year ago, although I have had it for a nice chunk of my life. It is something that while I am still just in the beginning stages of starting to understand and control, I don't feel that it is something that I should have to be ashamed of or have to worry about others finding out about it. unfortunately though there is quite a large amount of stigma that surrounds mental illness especially "serious mental illness", which they are for those that suffer from them (and those close to them as well) unfortunately though it also makes it sound scarier t...

The Attacks Start At the Last Minute

With only a week left until ballots mail out in Washington state, Protect Marriage Washington has started airing their first ad in what is doubtless to be a series of ads to run threw the election on Nov 6. as the Seattle times says about this time in the election cycle "for a ballot measure that isn't up on the air now is missing a big opportunity. Ballots mail out next week" and it appears that even though they are late to the race compared to the Approve campaign that has had ads running for months between Washington United for marriage and an ad run by Seattle Pride during the summer Olympics they seem to be coming out of the gate swinging using some of the same old tactics that have proven so effective in the past in scaring the public into voting their way. although this time they seem to have thrown in another tool to their approach ...

A North West View

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