A North West View

While being balanced mode wise is something that is good and something that I am glad to be, although I do wish that my medications made me feel less drained like I have been dragging a heavy weight around with me while I do things, in part because my mind seems to be sort of slow and just not totally with it at times leaving it to take a lot of energy to concentrate and get things done and that mental energy also has a physical manifestation as well, and is what tends to make me feel the most drained. while it is good to be balanced it is hard to not want to have a taste of the forbidden fruit that I have been brought down from having a minor taste of and that is to be on the more manic side of things.  It is times like this when I know that the meds are keeping me from an amazing natural high, that it is so tempting just to stop taking my medications.

Maybe I am weak, maybe I just can't do whatever it is that is the best for me, and damn the outcome!  Maybe that is what I need to do not to live not only in an awkward limbo with myself,  but also wanting something that i very well may never get. However it also seems to be the very thing that I can't do when it comes to my dad. Even though he had a "talk" with me after I posted this youtube video about feeling shoved back in the closet,